Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence
by Kithrin
Summary: A place to dump story starts to get them out of my head, may never expand them, feel free to adopt. Mostly Harry Potter, Naruto, or Ranma Crossovers. Some random orphan Omakes will probably hit here, if they don't fit in a story.
1. Introduction

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Introduction

This is going to be a place I dump random ideas I may never extend, or ideas that I have no idea how to extend beyond the first chapter(s). Will probably not be proofread as well as normal.

At the start of each unique segment I will ass the summary.

I will also attempt to keep it better organized than many 'fics' of this type, as I will try and rearrange the chapters to that parts of the story are sequential.

Feel free to adopt, and if you do, please send me the link. Or at least notification that you did so so that I can read it.


	2. Story 1: My Love Jack

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Summary: Harry after a bad beating, gives up, and his soul is sent elsewhere for a while, and he finds love with a serial killer.

1: My Love... Jack.

A seven-year-old Harry Potter was running. He was running from a gang of seven-year-olds.

In most places, such a thing would have been stopped by adults, as he had run by a number of them.

The problem was... Dumbledore.

It was not out of malice that Dumbledore made things worse, in fact, it was the exact opposite. He had set up protections for the running boy, protections that would be worthless if the muggles removed him from the Dursley household. So he set up a ward over Surrey, a ward with one purpose.

To make most people ignore Harry unless it was a situation that called for them to interact with him, such as in a classroom. This, of course, caused them to not help him when he needed it. Such as the nurse treating his bruises and cuts, but not reporting the ones that were obviously, to her, caused by an adult, or the fact that he was malnourished.

This time, it looked like Harry was going to escape, but it was not to be, as he tripped over a newly damaged section of sidewalk, and tumbled to the ground, scraped up, bleeding, dazed, and with broken glasses.

This of course allowed the gang of five larger boys to catch up.

"heh, looks like the freak stopped running. Hold him down so we can give him some extra punishment for causing us trouble," Dudley snarled.

And so the beating commenced.

First, his nose was broken by a punch to it. A punch that also slammed Harry's head hard against the sidewalk, leaving him barely conscious and in too much pain to move.

Then they started kicking him, delighting in his groans of pain.

It was about the time that his third rib snapped that Harry simply... gave up.

He stopped responding to the kicks. In fact, it was now like they were kicking a rag doll, the body moved by the force of the kick but not responding, with it's eyes opened and glassy.

The body was alive, but nobody was home... literally.

It was at this point of Dudley's underlings noticed that Harry wasn't doing anything.

"Big D, I think we might've killed him," the other boy said.

Dudley looked at the unresponsive boy and paled, "Scatter!" he said, and the boys did just that, not realizing that it was almost impossible to get in trouble due to Dumbledore's efforts.

This would have spelled the end of the boy's body, if not for two weaknesses in the ignore Harry ward.

First, was the fact that newcomers to the area took a few weeks to become fully affected, and those that are just passing through aren't affected at all.

It was because of this that an off duty cop from another precinct was able to rush the boy to a hospital, a hospital that was out of the range of the spell.

The man frowned as he called the police station responsible for that area, and they seemed to dismiss his concerns as soon as he described the boy.

So he called his own chief.

"Chief? Yes I'm supposed to be off duty, but I found a badly beaten boy, a boy people were walking over, or on. Yes, I tried that precinct, they dismissed me as soon as I described the boy. Yes I think an investigation into that precinct is necessary, excuse me, a nurse just came with a preliminary report..." the man spoke with the nurse and then his face grim, he picked up the phone again, "I'm back, I would recommend you investigate the whole area, school and all. The nurse reported evidence of long term abuse on the boy, he's obviously underfed as well. Such things should've been obvious to the school nurse, thank you, sir. Sorry sir, but the boy is catatonic and in surgery. Yes, I will leave your number so that you can be called if he recovers."

Giving the information to the nurse, the cop took one last look at the OR that contained the boy, and headed home, vowing to drop in when he could.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

The next day Surrey was invaded by a dozen cop cars, which revealed the second weakness of the ward.

It was useless when people coming into the area already knew something was wrong.

There were multiple arrests, such as the Dursley family, and some of the school staff and some of the police were fired.

It was at this point a muggleborn on the force became suspicious. The fact that everybody seemed to ignore what had happened to the child, a child he still didn't know the name of, yet never helped, made him suspicious.

What he found infuriated him, and he planned on sending a letter to the DMLE. He couldn't tell what the ward over the town did, but considering what had happened to the boy... he could guess.

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Meanwhile, Harry's soul was drifting. Barely connected to his body, it was drifting through the ether.

And his loneliness, and hopelessness started drawing him to a location. And suddenly he felt solid again, and then was being cuddled by another warm body.

He had done something impossible, he had ended up in a place for legends.

Feeling comfortable, and pan free he snuggled into the embrace of the one that held him.

He had no idea of the panic on the higher planes.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Fate and destiny were scrambling. A prophesied child was tottering near death, and his soul was MIA.

The other problem was that they couldn't just force him back into his body, the link was tenuous enough that if he fought them, it could snap entirely.

Alaya, the spirit of humanity was helping as well. She couldn't really count on the counter guardians for the issue the boy needed to solve, as the collateral damage would be too much for even her to accept. As in they would have to sink Great Briton itself. She considered cites expendable, and even small countries, but a major world power that would cause other issues if it simply vanished, is not acceptable. (EN)

This meant that she couldn't use her Guardians like nukes like she usually does.

Not to say she couldn't use them at all, but they needed to be used to support Harry.

She would have to think about who best to send as support.

Then the spirit of humanity paused, and to the confusion of the other two burst out in laughter. Sh had the _perfect_ counter guardian to help Harry, and the irony would be too good to pass up.

Leaning against a 'wall', Death was wondering if it would ever occur to them to ask it, as he could see where the boy ended up.

He did feel the one he ended up with would be good for him, and he her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

A chilly morning dawned on Harry's location, and he opened his eyes and looked up into the silver eyes of the girl who was holding him.

She looked between fourteen and sixteen and had a scarred face and uneven white hair. She was wearing a ragged cloak over a black top, underwear and black leggings.

"Sorry, I don't know how I got here, or why you held me, please don't hurt me..." Harry said while squirming in her surprisingly strong slender arms.

She let him loose and looked at the boy she used for a teddy bear curiously. "Jack," she said simply.

"Huh?" he asked.

"My name, Jack," she clarified.

"Er Harry, your not going to hit me?"

"No, my fault," she stated, then grabbed him again, to get another few hours of sleep. She had never been so warm at night.

Harry relaxed in her arms, happy to be with someone that wanted him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

The next three years were the happiest of his life. Even with scavenging food from a copy of nineteenth-century London, learning to pickpocket the simulacrums of people, and how to kill the simulated scum that populated the dark alleys.

The food was bad, not that he technically needed it, but more plentiful than he was sued to, and with two of them working the crowd it had gotten better.

He had to admit he had acquired a massive crush on the older female, even more so that their physical age had gotten closer.

Their time together on the streets was the best of his ten-year life.

His life was going to change a week before his eleventh birthday.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Fate smiled. The aspect looked at herself in a mirror she had created and nodded, she had chosen the teenaged form of an anime character with the same name. 'She' was preparing to speak to Harry about returning.

On her way 'out' of the realm that she 'lived' in, she saw the aspect of magic waiting for her.

Magic had spoken to death long before Fate and Density found Harry and had worked something out, something to keep Harry happy and sweeten the deal to send him back.

"Fate, here, Death and I threw this together to sweeten the pot and help you get Harry back to his body," the being stated, and chucked the equivalent of a paper airplane at Fate, and walking out.

Fate unfolded the sheet and frowned. It would screw up Destiny's plan for Harry. On the other hand, much of that plan had to be scrapped anyway, and this plan would work much better, especially combined with Alaya's offer.

Destiny was drunk and didn't notice that Harry's er, destiny changed, removing Ginny as his wife, and Ron from the position of best friend.

Both positions now filled with another name... Jack.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Harry blinked as he saw a woman coming towards him and Jack. She was different than the beings he was used to seeing.

More detailed. He didn't realize it until now, but most of the people he saw, besides his reflection and Jack, seemed to be less detailed in both looks and action. He hadn't thought about it until now, as he was enjoying being with Jack, but seeing a stranger walking towards him made it obvious.

The woman looked at Harry, and seeing Jack near him, said, "Jack, Harry, Come with me we must... talk."

The two cautiously followed the 'woman' to an open-air cafe, where she ordered meals for them both.

"Harry," she started, "You need to go back to your body. You have a destiny to complete. I have an offer to... sweeten your return, a two-part one."

Harry lunged at Jack and engulfed her in a hug, while saying, "No I don't wanna leave Jack!"

Fate smiled, and replied, "That's fine, as the first part of the offer is to send her with you, and after your life is over, send you back here."

Harry blinked and returned to his seal, with a slightly smiling Jack watching the woman.

"The second part is... a mother. One of my... colleagues will send someone they chose to be your mother."

"Can... can we meet her before choosing?" Jack asked.

Fate gave a wry grin before signaling the spirit of humanity.

When the chosen woman arrived, fate face-palmed hard enough to knock herself over.

The woman was a redhead, about twenty years old, and beautiful.

She was also Harry's biologic mother, who had made a deal with Aleya to protect her son.

Se was... Lilly Potter.

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End Chapter? Story?

EN: Alaya is about equalizing progress, so she has to be restrained from doing too much damage, or she'll screw up the balance worse.

Note: if you adopt this, I don't care if you change servant or improve it, or change the new 'mother'. Lilly being chosen was literally an inspiration in the middle of the fic. It also a good explanation for why Harry survived.


	3. OMAKE Orphan 1

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

OMAKE Orphan 1.

"Troll! Troll in the dungeon!"Quarrel shreaked as he ran into the Great Hall. Before skidding to a stop, leaving half of his leather boot soles on the floor. He didn't even care that there seemed to be another voice coming from him saying the words in unison.

He looked around in a panic, and noticing the doors to the Great hall were open, he sprinted out of the castle.

The school looked on in shock, the stuttering scared of his own shadow professor was only half there.

The stuttering was missing, not the scared of own shadow.

Everybody was looking around wondering what was going on when Mrs. Norris ran by scrambling out of the Hall.

The cat was soon followed by Filch.

Then most of the land-based familiars.

By this point, the professors were worried, as a single troll shouldn't have caused this much panic.

If only they knew.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

In the dungeons, a dimension-hopping vampire was pouting. He had just lost his first victim. Oh well, time to set up the pranks before the professors get here.

By the time the professors arrive, he had set up prank traps all over the school, helped of course by the fact that the professors were all caught in some humiliating pranks set up by him.

The castle residents would be running into the traps for years to come.

The Weasley twins were distinctly unhappy, as, despite their protestations that they were not at fault, they ended up in detention... for years to come.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Meanwhile, an exhausted possessed professor dropped in exhaustion in the forbidden forest, right in the middle of a giant spider colony.

His last words?

"Oh, fucking hell."

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End omake


	4. Story 2: The Spirits

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Story 2: The Spirits.

Lilly Potter was desperate. Her husband had stupidly switched secret keepers. She never trusted the rat, and personally, though her or her husband would be the best choices. HP/Ghost1/Ghost2

Sirius would be a distant third, simply because he wouldn't be _under_ the protections.

That was a week ago, and she was searching through the books she had Sirius bring for a way to protect her son.

Her husband thankfully never saw the books, and she had sworn Sirius to secrecy. The books were on her natural magic's inclination.

Necromancy. So far, the best choice she found was to bind several powerful spirits to her son to protect him.

The spirits, if they were powerful enough, could even defeat the killing curse.

And so, as the clock went from 11:59 pm to 12:00 am on October thirtieth after drugging her husband, she went to work.

She knew that performing the marking on the thirty-first was the best time, but she had a bad feeling about waiting, so she decided to do the midnight at the start of Halloween instead of the one at the end.

Silently apologizing to her son, she numbed his body and started carving eldritch symbols onto his back, all the while chanting a language that anybody but another necromancer would call absolute evil.

Soon, her one-year-old's back was covered in the symbols and so she moved to his front. After a total of three hours, she carved the last one onto the child's body. They then flashed and faded to a faint, barely noticeable webbing of scars.

With an exhausted sigh, she kissed her son's forehead and headed to her bed.

The symbols started searching among the dead for those that fit the criteria.

They must be powerful enough to defeat death.

No other criteria were actually added because she didn't want to limit the results.

Oh and because the summoning, and binding them to protect Harry parts took so much room she barely managed to add that part.

The runes started charging the moment the flash had occurred and would be ready to go off in twenty-two hours.

Twenty-one and three-quarters hours later, James Potter died due to the dark lord attacking.

Less than fifteen minutes later the cooling body of the boy's mother was slumped against his crib.

Then the monster in the general shape of a man cast the killing curse once again... and it stopped midway to the child.

Two young female ghosts materialized in front of the boy. (EN) One had long black hair that covered most of her face, but you could still see her glowing orange eyes. She was barefoot and wearing a red dress, that clearly showed her gray skin. (EN2).

The other had short chestnut hair, glowing red eyes, and was wearing a striped shirt, sneakers, and jeans. (EN3)

They both looked to be nearly eight years old.

And then the one with the orange eyes jerked her head, and the green light went back to its caster.

The monster was knocked backward, but his Horcruxes stopped him from moving on.

The red-eyed ghost, gripped her hand, and a solid red blade of energy that looked like a kitchen knife appeared in her hand, and with one motion, sent an arc of red at the Dark Lord, who was so dazed that he couldn't dodge or block, and so was cut in half.

Orange noticed that the being was still alive, and so pyrokinetically incinerated everything in the building except a foot around the boy and his crib, and telekinetically lowered the protected section to the ground floor.

"Now what?" Red eyes asked. "We can't exactly take care of him like this.

"_Hopefully someone will come and help, I broke the protections on the building so that others will see it,"_ Orange stated telepathically. It was then that a large man came and took the boy away... unintentionally dragging the ghosts along.

After being left with a spiteful aunt, both spirits knew that they would have their work cut out for them.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Seven years later, Harry wasn't an underfed runt, skinny yes, badly underfed, no.

When the Dursleys attempted to underfeed him, food would move to him.

They had tried to punish him, but every time they tried, they failed. It didn't take long for at least Petunia to realize that some_thing_ was there protecting the boy.

Or multiple somethings, as sometimes when looking in the mirror she sees something over her shoulder, glaring at her.

She had seen at least two different things doing it.

She was now convinced the boy was haunted, so she made sure Harry wasn't too badly underfed or abused.

Her husband had tried to beat him once with a belt, he nearly died when the belt wrapped itself around his neck and strangled him until he passed out.

He had then been cut and a message left on his own blood. "Do not attack Harry again... or else"

What's worse for her is that the boy can see the spirits. He talks to them and sometimes looks like he's hugging air. This was causing him to develop a reputation around town even at his young age about him being unhinged, although in a comparatively harmless manner.

The second part of his reputation was worse. That he was bad luck. Things kept happening around him. People getting hurt in accidents, things getting lost, and even a person having a psychotic break. All of which happened when the boy was near, and to those picking on him, or n the case of the psychotic break attempting to kidnap him.

The police were still trying to find out who the blonde man in the mental hospital is.

And these were just the subtle things happening.

There were the cases like the time a car that was about to hit the boy being sliced in two, with the halves going around him.

Or the dismembered body of a madman threatening him with a stick.

Yet another John Doe.

This lead to the parents warning their children about the boy, and the boy becoming even more dependent on the beings the neighborhood thought were imaginary friends.

By the time he found others that would be able to see them fully, it would be too late, he would be entirely dependent on them for companionship.

One odd thing was that they had started aging with him when he caught up to their physical age.

He had no idea that it was because both of them were so powerful.

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It was Harry's eleventh birthday, and it was ironic that the Dursleys unwelcome, much more so than their nephew at least, caused them to not have to deal with a flood of letters.

After the second day of the increasing numbers of letters, Orange made a field around the house causing anybody or anything with the letters to drop them in the outside trash bin.

Harry was of the opinion that if they wanted a reply, they should've included an address.

During the last couple of years he had started to learn some tricks from his friends, he wasn't even at five percent of their power, but he was slowly improving.

It had just turned to July thirty-first when a loud banging, followed by a crash was heard from the front door. Angry at having his sleep interrupted he turned to his companions, and said," if whoever did that doesn't have a very good reason for breaking in, gut him or her. He then got dressed and marched down the stairs.

At this point, the Dursleys were at the top of the stairs, and they let him pass without incident. One positive that they had experienced about him being there was that robbers never succeeded in stealing anything, and the time a murderer broke in, well he was the only death.

The very large man was walking towards the stairs when he saw a very pissed Harry stomping down the stairs.

The man opened his mouth, when Harry beat him to it, "Alright asshole, why did you break into the house? And it better be good, or I'll make sure you don't leave... alive." the then formed a flickering red blade similar to Chara's.

The big man was taken aback by the threat, and started fumbling around in his pocket, and pulled out an envelope, and started to explain what he was doing there.

Harry's eyes narrowed, and he snarled, "you broke in, at midnight, with a letter, that I have at least three of, that was completely pointless since it didn't have a return address? You couldn't of, I don't know, came at a decent time? Or put a damn return address on it? Get lost!"

The ban started blubbering about why he was there, and then he felt like a knife had been plunged in his arm, with the corresponding wound.

Harry had made a stabbing motion in the air while Chara actually performed the wound.

The large man had been too distracted to notice the ghosts.

"Leave, and never come back," Harry snarled.

The large man, looking at the boy's eyes, knew he was serious, and so he left. He would have to tell his boss that he wasn't allowed near Harry again.

He hadn't even been able to give him his birthday cake.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

At ten am the next day, a severe-looking woman was walking down the street. She was going to visit Harry, and hopefully, get him to Hogwarts. She had heard of how Hagrid had bungled his introduction. Really, breaking in at midnight? That's a recipe for disaster.

Finding number four, she knocked on the door. She was wearing a dress that was quite fashionable... one hundred years ago.

The door opened to reveal the boy she had come to talk to, with a red-eyed ghost floating behind him.

"Yes?" the boy asked cautiously.

"I am Professor McGonagall, and I teach at Hogwarts. May I come in and talk?" she asked politely.

"Very well, the Dursleys will be out for a few hours," Harry replied, and let her in. she then noticed another ghost hanging around, and wondered what the hell they were doing there.

And that they seemed only solid and colorful for ghosts.

Harry noticed that she was watching the ghosts, and said, "Oh, you can see them too? They are my friends."

She shook off her shock, and decided to ignore the ghosts, and get down to business, "

I heard you received your letter, why didn't you respond?"

Harry looked at her like he was stupid, and responded, "Just how am I supposed to respond? There's no return address, and Owls aren't exactly common pets."

the professor opened her mouth to respond, then closed it. A muggle raised wouldn't have an owl. "I apologize, It hadn't occurred to me that a muggle raised wouldn't have an owl."

"_Is breaking into a child's house at night, common when they don't respond?" _Orange eyes sent.

The Old woman's eyes widened as the words were sent directly into her head, and wondered just what the two were.

She shook her head and responded, "No, that was a bad decision by Hagrid. I apologize for that."

"Now why should our Harry go to your school?" Red eyes asked, all the while looking like she wanted to gut the woman across from Harry. Mainly because she did. Harry had done wonders to temper her murderyness.

He pretty much got her to ignore non-threats. The other ghost was easier to temper, but since she was able to be far subtler was able to act more.

The old woman sighed and simply said, "Hogwarts is one of the finest magical schools in the world. There is a danger if a young witch or wizard isn't trained, to both those around them and themselves."

Harry looked at the Orange-eyed ghost, and she nodded, indicated that the woman was telling the truth.

"Very well, where can we get the listed supplies?" Harry responded.

The woman smiled and said, "I can take you there."

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The trip there was uneventful by the woman side along apparated Harry, and his ghosts appearing directly afterward.

After she cleaned up his vomit from her robes, she entered the bank with him, and ten minutes later he walked out a hundred galleons richer.

The first step was the wandmaker, who was almost gutted by Chara.

"Well, nor the first time I've been attacked doing that, but it's closest I've been to being killed," the old man commented while healing the cut that ran down his front and repairing his clothes.

Internally the man was sweating, that had been really close.

"Let's see, Mr. Potter, let's start off with oak and dragon heartstring..." he said and thrust the wand at him.

The next two hours were really really frustrating for all involved, and that was after two wand cores were so badly matched they actually acted like a crucio to the boy simply by him waving them.

The dragon heartstring wands were literally destroying his shop.

Hundreds of wands later, as the last heartstring wand was waved, a box coated with an inch of dust fell on Harry's head, shaken off the shelf by the last explosion.

Curious he opened the box, and within was a wand made out of a wood he had never seen before. He started to reach to grab it, and the wandmaker tried to stop him by saying, "Stop! Don't touch that wand!"

He was too late, and Harry's hand clamped around it.

The wand started bucking and throwing out black sparks when it calmed and to Harry, felt like it was almost purring.

"What's wrong with it? It seems to like me," Harry responded.

The wandmaker wiped his forehead as he looked at the wand.

"Boabab tree, a tree that is believed to hold spirits of the dead, and ectoplasm as a core. A wand I had created fifty years ago, and it has killed everyone who has tried it until you," he then shuddered and said, "Take it and get out!"

Looking at the destruction of his shop, he was glad he had the place insured.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

The rest of the shopping trip went quickly, and they didn't meet anybody during it.

The Dursleys were actually glad that he was going to Hogwarts, it would keep him out of their house for nine months at no cost to them.

Soon Harry was boarding the train, which was easy to find because the professor told him how to get on, to his uncertain fate.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

End chapter.

EN: Was supposed to be 3, but couldn't think of a dead being of similar enough age and considered to be evil.

EN2: Alma Wade

EN3: Chara Dreemer


	5. Story 3: Archer

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence.

Summary: Naruto nearly Dies instead of summoning a toad, what happens will grant him skills and companionship, and possibly love.

Story 3: Archer.

Naruto was falling. He was out of chakra and thrown down a cliff by a man who wanted him to access the Kyuubi's chakra to summon a giant toad.

The problem was he didn't know how. He also believed that the reason why he was having such a hard time with the Jitsu was that he was told to sign the contract, then shown hand signs, and the told to do it.

No real explanation, and no real help. The man thought he was supposed to be able to complete the technique on his own. There was a major complication that the toad sage hadn't accounted for.

Naruto had hit his arm on a tree he had been thrown past, which broke an arm.

So now he couldn't complete the hand signs.

Splat!

He hit the ground with a sickening splat, causing his body to start leaking blood.

His vision started to fade.

Time seemed to stop.

A figure stood over the dying boy and it sighed. "Now what," the being muttered. The boy had a destiny, as the primary focus of the counterforce. She couldn't just send in a counter guardian because the issue was so widespread most of humanity would be rendered extinct.

Diving into the boy's soul, she appeared as an indistinct female figure to him, and said, "Well you've gotten into a bit of a pickle haven't you?"

"You mean the fact that that ass killed me?" Naruto said with a snarl.

"Yeah, that wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to summon the toad boss to save yourself. But bad luck made you break an arm," she said.

"What a _useful_ technique if I need to be thrown off a cliff to activate it, and the fact that I can't do it without the fox chakra," he sullenly snarked.

"I can save your life," she said.

"What's the point? The number of people who would miss me can be counted on one hand, with fingers left over."

She sighed, this is _not_ what she expected when she found out that she needed to save him. Perhaps the most recent event was the straw that broke the camels back. She then decided to make an offer, "I can offer you two things, one is a set of servants so you won't be alone again, and secondly... a set of unique in your world techniques."

"What use would be servants? The summoning technique is useless, and what techniques?" he asked warily.

"The techniques are from one of my most reliable guardians, and as for servants, they are heroes, and are in general, more powerful than humans, at least in their specialty. Also, they will be summoned and maintained via your own power and chosen by me so they would be useful to you. You will get a full set of nine, and teat them well and they will probably be the best friends you will ever make. (EN).

Naruto rolled the idea in his mons a bit, and then said, "I Accept, on the condition of no ninjas for the servants."

She smiled, and then said, "Agreed, now sleep."

Leaving his soul, the once again indistinct figure went to work, she had to choose who's abilities to give him, modify him to use them, and heal him, or at least give him a way to heal himself.

An idea popped into its head, and it called a certain guardian.

"Who are you going to force me to kill this time?" he asked wearily.

"Nobody," the being said. The being then did something only something of its power would be able to do.

Well after getting some help from other aspects of existence, as if the madman's plans were to succeed humanity would be rendered extinct.

The results if she sent in the counter guardians would be almost at that level.

It copied the man's reality marble wholesale into the boy, as well as the man's skills. While at the same time converting the boy's large chakra reserves into magic circuits.

It accidentally did the same with the fox, converting it into nine hundred EX rank magic circuits, and permanently killing it.

Booting the EMIYA back to where he came, it called up PENDRAGON, grabbed her sheath, then booted her back from where she came, promising to return it when the boy died, and since PENDRAGON existed out of time it wouldn't be gone too long, and then implanted it into the boy. It then focused the boy's power into it to speed up his healing.

Keeping him alive while it slowly healed him, while keeping him out of time was difficult, but the shinigami, as well as some other, being helped.

When the boy was healed, the being stopped all activity and vanished.

"What happened, I could've sworn I died, ACK," the boy mumbled and then he grabbed his head in pain as _something_ made its existence known in his mind and soul. He also felt like something was missing.

Then the memories hit him, and burning pain on his arms as nine indistinct symbols made there way onto his arm.

Then he heard a massive thud behind him, and he saw the hermit on the back of a giant toad.

"Naruto you're okay!" the man shouted.

"Get me out of here then leave me alone," Naruto said coldly as he climbed on the toad.

"Now don't..." the man started.

"Shut up and get me out of here."

The man did so and then watched as the boy walked away without a backward glance.

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Meanwhile, in the village, the Hokage, the dynamo, and a red-haired girl the same age as Naruto were in a meeting.

"So, when can I meet my brother," the girl asked, she was holding a long wrapped box and dressed like a Japanese noblewoman.

The Hokage sighed, he was getting too old for this, and to make matters worse, he had no idea on how the boy will react to his sister. Especially since the Dynamo had ignored every request to get the boy, and raise him with his sister until the time he needed to enter the academy.

He managed to prevent most of the physical abuse, but emotional abuse was a different story.

I sent an ANBU to find him," he replied tiredly, for the fifth time in the last half hour. "He needs to find him, and he could be in any of the training fields in the village.

The girl sat back impatiently.

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Naruto was on the way back to the village when an ANBU Approached him, and said, "The Hokage requires your presence."

"Fine, I want to see him as well," the boy said.

The ANBU then used Shunshun to bring him to the office.

"Old man," he said in his version of respect. "I would like to report an old man with white hair and the Kanji for oil on his headband for attempted murder. He threw me down a cliff."

Sarutobi did _not_ want to deal with more stress that day, but he responded, "I will send an ANBU out to tell him to report to me. Now the reason I called you here, was to introduce you to the Dynamo, and... your sister. I wanted to tell you your pageantry earlier, but the Dynamo ordered me not to."

Naruto stiffened. "Sister?" he said woodenly. His face then darkened, and he said, "And where was this so-called sister when I _needed_ her? And why is she here now that I don't?"

"Brother!" the girl said sharply, and continued in a scolding voice, which she later would admit to being a mistake, but the fact that he seemed to be upset to meet her when she was excited to do so was making her angry. Angry enough that she would say words that would ruin the chances of reconciliation. She was also angry at his hostility because the gift she had gotten him was very expensive. "There were reasons why we were separated. I am the future head of our clan, and I demand respect. Now analogize.

Naruto stepped back from her, which confused her. "No. Old man, where can I get the paperwork to remove myself from her family."

The girl stepped back in shock. That was not the response she was expecting from him, and she wasn't expecting the increasing hostility.

The Dynamo frowned. Something was wrong here. All the letters he had gotten about the boy's status indicated that he was happy, but he wasn't getting that vibe now. In fact, he was getting the exact opposite one from him made him frown.

The phrase, "When I needed her." was stuck in his mind.

The two siblings were now engaged in a shouting match, with increasingly hateful words being thrown around. He couldn't find an entrance with all the shouting to get it to stop, it eventually did when Naruto started walking out, with a final, "Wow, our parents must have been complete evil assholes. Stay away from me bitch."

The Dynamo frowned, he had been good friends with both of them, which was why he took care of their daughter.

The Hokage had convinced him to leave the son in his care.

He would have to talk to the man, alone. He would also have to get his rather pissed ward, who looked to be one step from attacking the boy with the gift she got him to the hotel.

He needed information.

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Meanwhile, in an abandoned training ground, Naruto had finished a chant, causing two explosions of smoke.

It was a skimpily dressed female in a black outfit. She looked around fourteen and had knives strapped to her back.

"I am servant Assassin, I ask, are you my master?" she said from a kneeling position.

"Yes, but I would prefer to be your friend," Naruto said with a smile, as he absently noted the crudely cropped white hair and scars, and blushed a bit at the outfit.

He then turned to the other figure, who was a busty foxgirl with pink hair. Whom had swept up assassin soon after said assassin had introduced herself, and introduced herself as well.

"Servant caster has accepted your proposal."

Naruto knew that he would soon have a headache from his servants.

He would be right.

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Getting to know his servants over the course of the remaining two weeks was hard since the childlike assassin was more attached to his other servant than him, but he managed to get a very good relationship with both of them.

In fact, he now considered them his most precious people.

Dodging his sister, who had calmed down was harder.

He had managed it for the most part and ignored her when he couldn't.

Then came the first round of the finals of the chunin exams.

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Naruto walked into the Arena when his name was called, and many females were appreciative of the wardrobe change. He was now wearing the same outfit as Counter guardian EMIYA wore.

"New look dead last, it won't help you," Neji said condescendingly.

Naruto remained quiet knowing it would piss the other boy off.

"Nothing to say? Forfeit now, it's your fate too loose."

"Begin!" said the Procter.

"Trace on," Naruto declaimed, and then hundreds of well made, but mundane blades appeared in the air around him, and all of their points were pointed at the fate obsessed boy. The boy scoffed and decided to let Naruto attack so as to show off the technique he had reverse engineered.

It would be the last mistake he ever made.

"All projections Complete, machine bullet, fire!" Naruto finished.

"Rotation!" Naji said as he began spinning, thinking the rain would be over soon.

He was wrong, as Naruto dispelled blades after they bounced off the shell of chakra, and remade them instantly.

The problem with the rotation technique is manyfold.

First, the person is stationary.

Second, they are spinning, and spinning people get dizzy.

Third, they are expelling Chara the entire time.

Fourth, its a dome, so attacks from below ignore it.

Lastly, it takes a few seconds for the user's chakra to reset, leaving them unable to use any other techniques until it does.

The second and last reason meant that when Neji had to stop spinning due to the spinning, he was torn to shreds by the constant rain of steel.

It was to a silent audience that Naruto left after being declared the winner. Less than five minutes after engaging a prodigy.

He ignored how the other genin looked at him for his ruthlessness and waited for his next match.

He was soon called down to face Gaara, as Sasuke had missed the end of his second grace period.

As soon as the match started, Naruto unleashed the ultimate technique that had been implanted in him.

"_I am the soul f my sword,_

_flesh is my steel, and adamant is my will,_

_Forged through Betrayal, tempered by experience,_

_I stand alone,_

_rejected by life,_

_rejected by death,_

_upon a hill of swords, to protect all I hold dear,_

_and so to protect life's meaning I call forth,_

_**UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS**_."

Fire spread, encompassing everybody in the stadium.

They looked around, and around them, blades were stabbed in the ground, and in the darkened sky, with badly rusted Gears turning slowly.

Gears that were actually less rusted than they would have been if he had unleashed it when he first acquired it.

Everybody looked at the boy that had unleashed the 'genjitsu' in shock, and then Naruto acted.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

End chapter.

EN: boosted her age a bit.

Alter Ego: None, because I don't have any Alter EGO types in GO.

My vision for servants.

Avenger: Gorgon.

Ruler: Jean D'Ark

Assassin: Jack the Ripper.

Lancer: Elizabeth Bathory

Saber: Mordred or Ryōgi Shiki

Berserker: possibly Kiyohime, or for giggles with caster, Tamamo Cat.

Archer: Atalanta or Oda Nobunaga

Rider: Frances Drake.

Caster: Tamamo


	6. Story 4: Servant Art Online

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Story 4: Servant Art Online

Synopsis: Kayaba found out about the holy grail wars while working on SAO, and it drastically changed his plans. Now the players and their servants must fight through 100 floors to defeat the creator of the game.

Here are the rules that if I had enough knowledge to finish this I would follow.

No repeat servants, by this I mean no two Rider Medusas, but a Lancer Medusa and Rider Medusa allowed.

Can use any hero, not just ones featured in grand order or in any of the anime or games.

If a servant has an ability that would be blatantly unfair (Anime Hercules, I'm looking at you) must be nerfed.

3a. Assassin class buffed to be competitive to other classes

There will be a variety of catalysts available, all for 3-star power level on the grand order scale, but players can use themselves instead to get one that matches them and have the chance to get someone more powerful, or the risk of getting someone less powerful.

Chapter 1: Welcome to Ancraid.

Kirito started the character creation process for the full release of SAO and was waiting for the servant selection screen to come up. He had fond memories of traveling with his Lancer the last time.

He had already completed his character, and now he was ready to choose his servant and was disappointed that the servant selection process had changed.

Unknown to him, he couldn't simply choose his servant this time, well he could, but it wouldn't be the same Servant.

Frowning he read the instructions.

"Choose whether you want to use a catalyst, or yourself as a focus. The catalyst will guarantee a servant of moderate power while using yourself could give one of great power or one of little power. Make your choice."

Kirito looked through the catalysts, and what servants that they summon. Noting that some are blacked out having been used. Nothing really catches his eye, so he pushes the selection for self.

"Scanning... Scanning... Scanning... three possibilities chosen. Two have already been summoned, performing summon on the remaining subject," the computer announced.

A magic circle appeared before Kirito, and then an exposition of smoke.

The smoke cleared, and a man was kneeling where the circle had been. He was wearing a black suit, a black wide-brimmed hat, and a black cloak.

"Servant Avenger, I ask are you my master?" he asked.

"Yes," Kirito replied. "May I ask your name?"

"Avenger will do for now," came the reply as the man stood up to his full six-foot height. "Shall we continue master?"

Kirito nodded, then saw that there was one final selection to make to complete character creation.

"Choose two beginning Code Casts."

To Kirito, the basic recovery spell was a no brainer, and the Shockwave to disrupt the enemies attacks looked useful as well.

He then appeared in the town of beginnings and walked with his maniacally grinning servant onto his new adventure.

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Asuna was looking at the young girl that had been summoned. She was wearing a barely acceptable top, underwear, black stockings, and shoes.

"I am Assassin, are you my mother?" the girl asked.

Asuna gave the girl a hug, and replied, "If you want me to be."

The girl happily hugged her new mom and vowed to butcher anyone who tried to harm her.

After choosing her code casts, the woman who would have become known as the White Flash in another life walked into her adventure after selecting her code casts.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

In the GM area, Kayaba was checking some values that were giving some abnormalities, such as the Summoning of Jack the Ripper, and Edmond Dante. The two servants were in the summoning pool, but they didn't quite match up with the personalities of those that summoned them. He would let it go because it didn't look _too_ bad, but he wanted to prevent a noncatalyst summoning from killing their master on site.

His servant the Grand Caster Solomon was aiding him.

His secondary servant, the assassin class Servant The Old Man of the Mountain, or otherwise known as the 'First Hassan' was also helping. The secondary servant was to be used when he joined the game as Heathcliff, while Solomon was the final boss.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Silica looked at the younger girl that had identified herself as Caster. She was wearing a fancy black dress and held a book titled Alice in Wonderland.

She holds her hand out to the one she thought would be her new best friend and set off on their adventure.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Yui would have smiled if she had a body. She knew her creator's plan, and while she didn't approve, she did approve of the servant system. The servants would be more than the sword and shield of their masters. They would be confidents, friends, and in some cases lovers.

They would ease the burden she would certainly experience when the stress of the players started to get to her.

It made her happy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Lisbeth looked at the heavily muscled man she had summoned. The man was large and had what looked like a blacksmith hammer at his side.

He was summoned as a Caster and was willing to give his name immediately, as well as admitting he wasn't that great a warrior.

He was Wayland the Smith.

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Summons after summons.

Some using catalysts some without.

Heroes, villains, altars, some really odd manifestations, and everything in between.

It was looking to be a grand quest with legends taking the field.

Of course, there were some... mishaps... at the start.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

PoH sneered at his Servant. He had chosen to use a catalyst, and he had ended up with the Lancer Cu Chulainn he then either forgot or never read the part where servants had their pride and morals.

For PoH started gloating that Lancer would help him create his 'Murder Guild'.

Lancer Maybe merciless on the job, but he had limits to what he would allow.

And Murder for the sake of murder was one of them.

"Gea Bolg!" he shouted, activating his Noble Phantasm.

And so, PoH, the man who would create Laughing Coffin, died before leaving the character creation area.

Cu Chulainn faded back into the servant pool since he was no longer attached to a summoner.

Where he was promptly noncatalyst summoning by Klien, who got along great with him.

They would be later seen drinking in a bar.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

This is as far as I can take it. Servants are only suggestions.


	7. Story 5: Making Friends

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Summary: the Dursley's don't want Harry, so they give him to the brother Neither Petunia, nor Lilly wanted to admit exists. Becoming unpopular in school, he decides to make some friends.

Story 5: Making Friends.

"NO, we will _not_ have that freak in the house," a fat man shouted, rousing the child he was objecting to.

Petunia was silent, she had agreed, but the letter basically threatened her, as it said that it needed a relative of Lil... she smirked.

"I have an idea," Petunia said smugly.

Vernon, the first shouter blinked and calmed down. "And what would your idea be?"

"I... have a brother. One odd enough that neither my sister or I, wanted to admit to. He would probably be willing to take the brat off our hands."

Vernon smiled, yes it was a probably, but it was a chance.

"Let me contact him," Petunia said.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Petunia took several breaths to prepare herself, and then dug out an old card her brother gave her.

Dialing the number on the card she waited.

"Hello, Frank," she said.

After a pause, she continued.

"I know I swore never to contact you, but something came up."

A shorter pause.

"Lilly's dead."

A long pause.

"Her son was dropped here, and we don't want him, I was wonder..."

Another pause, causing Petunia to nearly collapsing in happiness.

"Two days? Yes I can take care of him for that long, thank you, and no I don't want to know how he's doing later, and yes I will keep all his stuff together, thank you."

With a smirk, she hung up the phone and walked away. She could handle taking care of the freak for a few days.

She couldn't help but think that she was making a mistake for some reason, whether it was for herself, the freaks, or her nephew, she couldn't tell

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Two days later, a man driving a refurbished Model T drove up. He was dressed in an old fashioned turn of the century suit, with a badly damaged lab coat over it with a badly damaged nametag.

Walking up to number 4, he knocked on the door and then had a baby shoved in his arms, an old car seat on the porch, as well as a few bags of supplies, and a stuffed dog.

Blinking, the man looked at the bundle in his arms, and said, "Well it's just you and me kid, let's get you home."

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A day later an old man with horrible fashion sense came since the wards had collapsed, found out what happened, and knowing that it was soon enough to reestablish them elsewhere, departed to the home of this... Frank.

A day later the wards were reestablished and were actually stronger than the original ones, and he departed, secure in the knowledge that the muggle man would keep Harry grounded.

He walked away, to a hidden place to apparate out, past the mailbox with the name Frank N. Stein.

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Eight years later, Harry was working with some corpse parts his father had gotten for him, along with some electronic and metal pieces.

He was really unpopular in school. He was actually nearing university level in biology, physics, and electronics, and tended to read books that gave others headaches just thinking about reading them, for fun.

Plus the fact that some funny smells tended to cling to him.

His high intelligence in those areas was massively influenced by the man he called father. The man was three-quarters brilliant, and one-quarter insane. The man had a lab with lots of stuff that most people would think was straight out of a horror movie, monster movie, and/or sci-fi movie.

He explored the lab since he was three, and loved doing it and the man who had taken him in, always took time to explain what he was doing, even if most people thought it was immoral and illegal.

His father kept telling him that he should make some friends... so he decided that since others couldn't keep up with him, and no one even tried, he would _make_ his own friends in a more literal sense.

And so he got to work on his first friend.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

A month later and the body was complete. She was composed of parts of over a dozen humans, most bought from a sleazy coroner from various John and Jane Does, and some cybernetics. His father had helped on a few parts while stating that this wasn't precisely what he meant by making friends, but he'll take what he can get.

The girl was 'dressed' in bandages that barely would have preserved her modesty if she was alive, and she had a mace next to her. She had pink hair, a modest but, a gold horn, two gold cylinders where her ears should be, heterochromia, and metal legs. She also looked to be between sixteen and eighteen. (EN)

To the side, he had what looked like a wedding outfit, that he was going to have her wear if he could animate her.

She was missing one thing, the spark of life.

She was also strapped onto a table, that was in a vertical position, with many leads coming off of her body.

Just then a crash of thunder sounded overhead, and Harry pulled a leaver. Today was one of the biggest thunderstorms to hit their area, which was a small country estate just outside of London, in over a century.

Perfect for the 'spark' he needed.

He also decided that the next friend would be a full gynoid, less messy that way, and cheaper besides.

And then it happened, a big fat lightning bolt hit the rod that he had extended with the leaver. The lightning bot blew every fuse in the building and went on to hit his creation.

It was the moment of truth.

"Ugu," a female voice sounded.

Then the emergency lights came on, with his father now heading out to replace the fuses.

In the light, he could tell that his creation was moving against her straps, and she was the one moaning. With a smile, he released the girl, and she fell into his arms... and he forgot to take in account their relative sizes and masses, as her weight pushed him to the floor, with her bust in his face.

He didn't care though.

He had his first friend, so he enclosed his arms along her waist.

"Ug?" she grunted.

"You're alive!" Harry shouted, then paused, "Now what to name my new friend? I know! Eve!"

"Fr-ei-nd?" the cybernetic life form grunted out.

He nodded, and then blushed as realized where he was then he let her go, saying, " I have clothes here for you."

he gestured to the outfit, included plain underwear.

"Clo-thes?" she stuttered out, still talking slowly and awkwardly.

Harry paused, and his blush deepened, and he said, "Let me help."

He had realized that he needed to teach her. Teach her literally _everything_.

Still a tomato, he helped her get her bandages off, and his father had the worse timing to fix the lights just as she was fully naked.

He was quick to help her get dressed while explaining what he was doing. It seemed that she was a quick learner, or perhaps his words helped her acquire information from her brain.

Either way, he hoped he could have conversations with his friend soon.

Meanwhile, he started working on his second friend.

Not because he was unhappy with his first, but after seven years of no friends beyond his father, he was being slightly greedy.

And so he started ordering parts.

He also made sure to spend time with his current friend in and out of the lab.

And so, two more years had passed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Harry was scowling. He had walked past an old pub called The Leaky Cauldron, and she had started shorting out. Thankfully he backed her up every morning so only the day was lost from her memory.

"Harry, what happened to her?" Eve asked. Her command of the language had greatly improved over the last two years, to the point that nobody could tell she had been reduced to grunting and sounding out words only two years previous.

"We walked past a place, and she randomly shorted out. I'm going to have to increase her shielding against interference. And find out what in the hell that interference was!" she shouted the last part angrily. "I'm also angry at my self because I was more concerned with getting her operational, than giving her proper shielding."

Eve smiled at her friend. When he first made the android, she was afraid of being replaced, but he had eventually made it clear she wasn't, she was simply having another friend added.

And so she helped strip the black dress and stocking off the android while brushing her short red hair, promising her that she would get better. (EN2)

Harry was being professional about the repairs, also his embarrassment threshold for the female form had been raised from the first two months of Eve's existence.

She had had the nasty habit of forgetting her clothes and needed him to help her dress.

Shrugging off the tangential thought, he started taking apart his second friend so that he could replace the damaged parts and upgrade her so it wouldn't happen again and add in an upgrade that the android had already agreed to, one that his father for some reason dubbed The Third Upgrade.

Harry wasn't quite sure _what_ the upgrade did, but his father assured him it was not harmful and would be beneficial in some ways.

It should be noted that when working on certain... parts, he's basically on autopilot so that he wouldn't be thinking about where his hands are.

A week later, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief, the damage wasn't as bad as he thought, it was mostly a weak connector. His friend's memory wasn't damaged either as the safety protocols had shut her down the instant there was a threat to her core systems.

He used the activation passphrase, "Cast in the name of God, Ye not guilty."

Her eyes opened, and she said, "Good morning Harry." in her normal monotone voice.

"Afternoon actually, you've been out for a week, how do you feel Dorothy?" Harry asked concerned.

"All systems functional, although my internal clock seems to need to be reset," came her answer. "I see you have added your father's upgrade... and my shielding?"

"Well yes, I figured since I had to check for where the damage was, so I figured I'd add the upgrade you said you agreed to, and update your shielding to prevent a repeat."

"Understood," Dorothy replied.

Then Eve burst in, "Dorothy, I'm glad you're up!" She said while giving her friend a hug.

"Good to see you, Eve, now shall we leave the lab?" the Gynoid asked.

And so the friends did.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

One week before Harry's eleventh birthday, he received a letter. Upon reading he, he declared it ridiculous and chucked it into the incinerator.

The next seven days, had Harry increasingly angry. He had heard of practical jokes and spam mail, but several hundred of the same damn letter? That's overkill.

Then a big man broke into the house, at midnight, because he felt that his muggle family was preventing him from accepting the letter.

To be completely fair, Dumbledore had asked him to contact Harry on his birthday to see why he hadn't responded to any of the Hogwarts letters.

To be even more completely fair, Dumbledore had meant to _knock_ at a reasonable hour, not break in at midnight.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!" Harry said pissed, while Dorothy was beside him, Eve had been so tired from the day before she was sleeping like the dead.

"Well..." the big man started, noting with a wince the rather nice foyer had been trashed by his entrance and the fact that the boy was obviously in good health.

"Shut up. That was a rhetorical question, it's obvious you're breaking in, now get lost before we call the police!" Harry demanded.

"But..." the big man started.

"Allow me, Harry," Dorothy monotoned, she then walked up to the man... and picked him up, and threw his out the door.

The last thing the man heard before Harry activated the emergency shutters over the building was, "Thanks, Dorothy."

Hagrid brushed himself off as he stood up, and decided to get some reinforcements.

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End Chapter.

EN: Frankenstein's monster from FGO and Aproctia.

EN2: Dorothy Wainwright from Big O. her activation phrase was from the giant robots activation scenes.


	8. Story 5: Making Friends Ch2

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence,

Making Friends

Blame several Bloodborne/HP fics for this, and gives an excuse for Harry not to be Hogwarts bound... well, aborting him being Hogwarts bound at least.

Chapter two: To Hogwarts... or not.

Dumbledore sighed as he looked at the locked-down manor, it was six am, and he was just observing before approaching them in a few hours. He was pleasantly surprised that the wards were stronger than he had thought possible, which means that there was a strong bond of love between Harry and his uncle. The solid steel curtains over the doors and windows made it an imposing sight. The ruined door in front of the steel made him upset. He had asked Hagrid to meet with Harry to make sure he got his letter and supplies, and he had bungled it, badly.

He was so excited to meet the son of his friends that he had broken n thinking the boy had been mistreated and subsequently thrown out by a girl that _**should not**_ have been able to since she was so much shorter and thinner.

He was also embarrassed that he hadn't sent a real professor instead of Hagrid. Hagrid would have been a good choice if Harry had known of the magical world, as he wouldn't have to explain about it, but Harry seemed to have gone completely muggle, so he needed to learn the basics of the basics.

Perhaps the deluge of letters was a bit much, he admitted to himself privately.

Sitting at a cafe that was across from the place he considered how he would approach the boy. He needed the boy to go to his school, but he had no real hold over him, and the boy had no real reason to come.

Perhaps the blunt approach? Telling him that he needed to come because of what he means to their world? It would also allow him to appraise the boy's attitude.

He noticed that the time had turned to eight and he headed over. He looked at the ruined door to find a way to get their attention without breaking in.

He searched for twelve minutes and was only stopped because the iron curtain rose to reveal a man in a lab coat.

Dumbledore put on a kind smile, and said with a twinkle in his eyes, "Hello good sir, I am here to speak to Harry, is he up yet?"

The man's eyes narrowed as he replied, "and how would you know there's a person named Harry here? And why the hell wouldn't you use the bloody intercom?"

"What's an intercom?" Dumbledore asked confused before shaking his head. "Our school keeps track of its alumni and the children of such, which is how we know where to find him."

"School?" the man asked, accepting, for now, the explanation. "Harry's already attending one and has tested out on several subjects. He is also going to be starting some university courses, why would he need to change schools?"

"May I come in to explain both with to Harry and yourself?" Dumbledore asked.

"Very well, no funny business though, and I need to call a repair crew before we can start to fix the door the asshole destroyed."

After showing the old man into the living room, Frank went to phone his favorite repair company.

He was their favorite as well due to the regular work they get from the family.

Soon Harry joined Dumbledore and frank to discuss the school.

Dumbledore started by explaining magic and the school.

"Magic," Harry stated without emotion after Dumbledore finished. "I haven't seen any indication that it's real. Even if it was, I prefer science. Science gave me my friends, science is reliable."

"Allow me to demonstrate," Dumbledore stated, internally he was disturbed by how Harry didn't seem to care about magic, at all.

And so Dumbledore walked towards a vase that had been broken by a fragment of the broken door, and with a muttered incantation and a wave of his wand, it was as good as new.

Harry then walked over, and picked up the vase, running his hands over the object, and failing to find any indication that the vase had ever actually been broken he considered what he saw.

"Say I believe you about magic, why should I attend this school of yours?" Harry asked after setting the valuable vase down carefully. "My time could be better spent going towards my career goals."

Dumbledore was at a loss. Not that he didn't have a response, but muggle children the world over want to use magic, and here was a child who wanted nothing to do with it.

But as stated, he _did_ have a response, "For safety purposes. Children and adults without proper training have accidental magic. This accidental magic can be beneficial, or harmful. It also risks relieving magic to those that shouldn't learn of it."

Harry looked at the man blandly, and asked, "Who are you people to decide on who can learn of it or not, and how do you prevent it?"

The old man scowled internally. The boy was smart, too smart. He needed to prevent the boy from finding out that a person's magic could be bound, and that they would do so if he refused to attend magic schooling.

"We use various concealment spells, and erase the memories of those that see magic," came the old man's reluctant response.

"Disgusting," Frank commented with Harry nodding. "What the hell gives you the right?" (EN)

"We passed a law. The International statute of secrecy, it was needed for our protection!" the man nearly shouted in anger, he wasn't used to people questioning the law, even muggleborns agree to it.

"What will you do if I refuse to go to your damn school?" Harry snarled out his question. He really didn't want to attend. He believed that the wizards had no right to erase memories simply because they witnessed the magic.

"You would be taken from this place and given to an 'appropriate' family," Dumbledore stated with complete honesty... because that's what the minister _would_ do.

Harry and his adopted father exchanged glances, and then responded, "_fine_ but you will help me maintain my _real_ studies via correspondence."

meanwhile, Harry was thinking, _I'll just ignore the magical schooling and do my own thing. If I get expelled, then good._

Dumbledore nodded unaware of Harry's thoughts, he does it for a minority of muggleborns, so adding one more wouldn't hurt. He also believed that once Harry witnessed magic that he would thank him.

After some details were hammered out, including that Harry would be allowed to bring his friends, Harry left with his father, Eve, and the old man, while the repair company started to fix the door.

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Dumbledore was annoyed that he was forced to endure the Model T, while Harry was peeved that he could only bring Eve due to space limitations.

He was also pissed when they ended up in front of the same pub that shorted out Dorothy.

Putting on a hat that was in the back seat, as Dumbledore had explained about Voldemort and he didn't want to be mobbed.

He also put on sunglasses.

Dumbledore scowled when he saw that Harry's look, and the fact that he would be virtually unrecognizable to the wizarding world.

Oh well, enough time for that later.

After getting him to the bank, wincing at the suspicious look the boy gave him when he found out that he had the key to the boy's trust vault.

It was a good thing he kept his fingers off the gold or else things could be worse. He didn't like how the boy had been distinctly unimpressed by what he was seeing.

After the ride, to and from his vault, he started to lead the boy on his shopping trip.

It was too bad another customer had heard the boy's name, and he was lying in wait.

The blonde man had a plan. A weak banisher at the right time, and it would look like the boy tripped and fell onto something that would kill him.

He saw the boy pass a magical knickknack chop, that had a tall female doll in it. The doll was in elaborate clothing and was over six feet tall. She was wearing a black skirt, a brown blouse, a brown blanket-like shawl, low heeled boots, and a bonnet. (EN2)

She had also caused the deaths of every wizard to touch her, and there was an appropriate warning near her.

He cast the spell just as the boy was passing by, causing him to stumble, crash through the window, and hit his head on the doll, to the horror of the headmaster.

The blonde man never saw the red spell that hit him. A monocled Woman bound him, created a portkey to a cell, and was about to gather evidence when an unearthly shriek caught her attention.

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Dumbledore looked in horror as Harry hit his head on the doll, and he was sorrowful that the boy would die so young. He paled further as a black cloud exited his head, shrieked, and then dispersed.

He was understandably shocked when the doll moved and lifted the boy into his arms, a boy that was grumbling about a headache.

Eve was looking at the doll in annoyance. What was with her master in attracting beautiful artificial women?

Dumbledore was trying to figure out how come the boy wasn't dead when the doll had claimed hundreds.

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To understand why we need to go back hundreds of years.

There was a wizard, he was below average in strength, skill, and talent. He only had three notable things about him.

He was kind.

He was creative.

He was also ugly enough that he literally scared small children.

He wanted a family, or at least as close as possible. The first step he thought was to have a wife.

He commissioned a doll, a pretty one, and one large enough to be a real woman.

He also commissioned clothes.

Before the doll was fully assembled at the magical doll maker, he carved runes inside of the body. Many many runes.

He intended to flood the doll with his magic, allowing her to 'live', and give him a wife.

The problem was, he didn't have much talent. The runic arrays he used were inefficient, massively so. In fact, it was a miracle that they worked at all... or they would have.

The problem was when he touched her after she had been assembled and delivered, she drained his magic dry, killing him.

The same fate was met by more wizards, none having enough magic for the initial activation, much less the constant drain on their magic.

They also found that destroying her was almost impossible. Every spell they tried had been simply absorbed, so they stuck her in a window as a decoration, along with a warning.

Then came Harry.

His scar had hit the doll's clothing first, and the magic holding a malignant soul was absorbed, freeing the soul.

The powerful magic that had bound the soul, as well as a mother's protective magic, saved Harry's life, as they bridged the gap between what magic he needed, and what magic he _had,_ and thus, saved his life.

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"Master," the doll said, speaking for the first time since she had been created.

"Welcome to the Family, do you have a name?" Eve asked.

"Family?" the doll asked.

"He has three people who care for him now, that are not his father," Eve explained.

The Doll stepped down, much to the anger of the shopkeeper, who hadn't been paid for her.

Eve looked at the angry shopkeeper, then the price tag, and pulled the amount of the Doll from the money Harry had obtained from the vault.

Dumbledore, on the other hand, had been casting spells at Harry. He wanted to know how he survived, get confirmation on what that mist was, and to see if Harry could still attend Hogwarts.

He found the answer to the last one to be... no.

Ninety-five percent of Harry's magic was being used to power the doll. And the doll was tied so closely to the boy that removing the like would kill him. He did, to his relief, finds that the connection was stable, and beyond the massive magic tie-up, stable.

Unknown to him though, she could use the excess magic that she didn't need to be active due to some rune sequences that had nothing to do with her being 'alive'.

To tell the truth, if the proper sequences had been used, she would only need about thirty percent of Harry's power to remain active if it weren't for those extra sequences, and about seventy for the initial activation.

"Well Harry," he said to the groggy boy. "It looks like you will get your wish not to attend, your clumsiness tied up so much of your magic that you would only be able to cast the most basic spells if that."

"Good," came the tired reply from the boy, still in the doll's arms.

"Not clumsiness attempted murder," he monocled woman stated.

"Excuse me?" Dumbledore asked.

"Malfoy cast a banisher at him. It was a weak one that made it look like the boy..." her eyes fixed on the now bleeding scar, revealed after his hat fell off when he hit the doll, causing her voice to trail off. "Harry Potter, dammit, this just got even more complicated. At least the boy survived. I need to leave, I will contact you later."

"What will happen to the man who tried to kill my son?" Frank asked. He hated how he couldn't do anything to the man who tried to kill Harry, but at least the boy is alive and has an extra friend.

He was also glad his son could avoid the magical world.

"Low, the man has the minister in his pocket. I need to go to maximize the chances of him getting punished, I trust you can find your way home?" Dumbledore said. He also wanted to get a headache potion to get rid of his migraine.

"I can, please keep us informed," Frank replied.

Dumbledore nodded as he apparated out.

Harry and his family left soon after, unhappy that Harry had been nearly killed, but happy that he wouldn't need to attend Hogwarts.

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End chapter.

EN: why the hell, in 7 books, did we not see a single instance of a muggleborn object to obliviates? They are punishing the VICTIMS.

EN2: Plain Doll from Bloodborne, while Harry didn't create her, you could say he finished her.


	9. Omake 2

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Omake 2: ASDF Muffins.

Harry cackled. He was in the middle of setting up a prank. His prank would blow away any prank ever done before, in history.

Looking at the ritual circle, he couldn't contain his excitement, he had been working on this prank on and off for nearly a decade, and he didn't even care that the statute of secrecy would be blown to hell.

He didn't care, or more precisely he cared about the wizarding world, it's thoughts and needs, about as much as they cared about what he wanted or needed.

Everybody kept putting him into the spotlight, when he made it clear he hated it. His Ex wanted to go to parties, parties he didn't want to go to, and she left him for Draco when it became clear that he had no intention of attending said parties.

The minister had tried to grant him a Order of Merlin First Class, that he had refused after reading the contract stating that he would always support the ministry.

Ron and Hermione, they married, and tried to force him to accept the reward, and to join the Aurors.

He wasn't interested in working for a government that targets people without a good reason.

His second year with Hagrid, third with out of control dementors after an innocent man, the damn tournament fourth, Umbridge fifth along with the slander, sixth had no real government involvement besides Dumbledore beings stupid, then the fact that the ministry fell in under a year.

He wanted nothing to do with that body of government.

So here he was, putting the finishing touches on a prank, devised from a song, derived from the ASDF movie.

The ritual circle lit up as he started chanting, and three hours later he collapsed in exhaustion.

It was done, and would last nearly a thousand years.

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All over the UK it happened.

As bakeries and homeowners pulled the trays of muffins out of their ovens... they started singing.

The song was... "The muffin Song."

Obliviators all over the nation tries to remove the memories of the muggles, but in the end they gave up. They simply didn't have enough numbers to station one at every single bakery and home in the nation.

The ICW declared a state of emergency... as the prank spread to the mainland, threatening the statute even further.

And Harry simply laughed as he read about the results in various papers, he considered his revenge prank... complete.

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End omake


	10. Story 2: The Spirits 2

**Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence**

Story 2: the Spirits

AN: someone suggested the Ghost from Corpse Party, and I suppose that would have worked, but I already started.

Remind me to go back and edit the last The Spirits sometimes will you? I noticed some wrong words, misspelling, missing summary, missing words, and the pairings somehow got moved into the story itself.

Chapter 2: Training.

Harry frowned. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, how idiotic. He was sitting on a bright scarlet train, one that wizards wanted to hide from non-wizards, why the hell didn't they make it something like a nice Matte-black? Something far less eye-catching.

Shaking his head he felt a chill, that quickly warmed up to body temperature.

His friends had sat down next to him, and Alma was using her powers to warm them up so he wasn't cold, not that he minded the temperature when they cuddled with him.

Nobody else even wanted to speak with him.

He never realized that his friendship with the two ghosts was the reason why he didn't have any human friends, not that he would have discarded them if that was the case. They had done too much for him at the Dursleys to even consider doing so.

They made sure he was adequately fed, reasonably, if cheaply, clothed, and not sleeping in the cupboard under the stairs.

Yes, Vernon had mentioned that was to be his bedroom at one point... before they found out, or at least suspected, that he had protectors.

They had protected him from harm outside _that house_ as well, kidnappings, cars, assault with sticks, and various thrown items.

The fact that some people ended up in the hospital or morgue didn't bother him at all.

After all, they weren't important to him.

Shaking his head he pulled out some books from his trunk and passed them to the dead girls, and pulled out one for himself. The dead girls had some rather dark, and gory manga, while he had a school book. He was only a few chapters from finishing the first four chapters in each book.

He had no idea why the girls also had some dark, gory, and _perverted_ manga as well, and he didn't care. After all, he didn't pay for them, he simply waited outside the bookstore while they snagged what they wanted.

That was his goal, as he didn't think he needed to read all of it as he would probably need to reference it later on since he didn't have a photographic memory.

Then a redheaded boy opened the compartment, and asked, "Can I sit here? Everywhere else is full."

"_He lies, both of the compartments next to us are empty,"_ Alma Stated.

Harry scowled, and replied, "why don't you check both of the neighboring ones? They are empty, and for future reference, don't lie, you aren't good at it."

"I'm not lying!" the boy shouted angrily, pissed that he had been caught out so easily.

"Alma says differently, and I trust her more than you, now get lost."

The redhead glared at the gray-skinned ghost and then left. He had been ordered by both his mother and the headmaster to be Harry's friend, but due to that freakish girl, his opening was ruined.

At least he didn't blurt out that he knew that the boy was Harry Potter, that would have been much worse.

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"_He was sent to be your 'friend' and help the headmaster control you,"_ Alma reported as she had focused will on the boy who had just left, reading his mind.

"Thanks, Alma," Harry replied. He then pets her head. "no Chara, you can't kill him yet, let him make an actual move against us first."

Chara pouted, she wanted to gut the boy for daring to lie to her Harry. Hell, she wanted to gut the boy for taking up Harry's air.

The latter was how she felt about everybody besides Harry anyway, so there was no difference there.

It was only the fact that she thought Harry would get in trouble, and the fact that he needed others around him to provide food, shelter, and clothing that she restrained herself, oh and more importantly Harry would be disappointed in her.

Shrugging she continued reading her manga and hoped that someone would give her the 'self-defense' excuse.

She could hope at least.

A blonde boy then entered the compartment. He looked like he was trying to be perfectly groomed, so much so that he looked over groomed, but nervous.

Ever since the boy's father had gone missing, his family's influence had gone down, and he knew he couldn't use his father's name to get his way in school like had planned to.

The boy's eyes locked on the scar on the boy's forehead, and stated, "So it's true, Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts."

"And you are?" Harry drawled.

"Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. I would like to offer you my hand in friendship. I can help you make the correct friends, and stay away from... undesirable ones," Draco smugly replied, eyeing the two spirits as he said the last two words.

A fact not lost on Harry.

"Are you talking about them?" Harry asked politely... too politely.

"Of course, mudbloods like them are the second-worst bane of our society."

"Get lost asshole," Harry snarled back, all pretenses of politeness gone.

"What?" Draco asked stepping back. He didn't know why, or how, but he felt like he had said something wrong to Harry, and he couldn't figure out what.

"You just insulted the only two friends I _ever_ had, and now you expect me to be yours?" Harry growled.

Draco internally winced, he had no idea that he was so close to him, although in hindsight he should have, considering they had been pretty much cuddling.

He then looked at the glowing eyes of the two 'girls' and he had a bad feeling that pissing any of the three off is a _bad_ idea, as in he would have a _bad time_.

Especially that red-eyed girl, she looked like she wanted to gut him for breathing.

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Inside the compartment, Harry said with an odd calm, "Chara?"

She turned to Harry and replied, "Yes Harry?"

"If he makes any hostile move towards any of us... could you make him... disappear?"

Her bloodthirsty smile was all the answer he needed.

"_and what about me Harry?"_ Alma asked.

"Please keep your mind out for any hostility towards any of us, and deflect them from interacting with us please."

Alma nodded and cuddled back into Harry.

Alma had already detected a girl approaching the compartment, one that would be irritating to deal with, so she pushed the girl's mind with her powers, causing her to not notice their compartment.

So pleased with herself, Alma did the same for everyone that seemed like they would bother them.

She had no idea that her actions now and in the future would further reinforce Harry's dependence on them for companionship.

Soon enough the trio were in a boat going to Hogwarts.

Harry and Alma were fairly impressed by the school, while Chara was not, then again Chara lived in a castle when she was alive.

The next thing that stood out for the trio were the ghosts, not as colorful, or as solid, and almost completely uninteresting to Harry.

The sorting started, and Harry waited patiently for his name, noting the houses that the two annoyances went into, and hoped he could avoid them.

"Potter, Harry," came McGonagall's voice.

ToHarry walked up to the hat, with his ghostly girls, and put the hat on his head. The old woman looked at them disapprovingly but knew there was no point in arguing.

"_Let's us see here,"_ the hat started, and then continued, _"Not much ambition, but cunning in spade from your two spirits, but that house would be awash in blood within a day. Not the least because you are apparently a borderline sociopath. _

_That puts two other houses out of the running, with their own personal bloodbaths pending._

_The last house will probably _also_ annoy you, but I hope you'll hold your friends back."_

"_**RAVENCLAW for all three of them!"**_The hat shouted.

There was suddenly a lot of muttering as Harry moved to the appropriate table, uncaring of the looks of betrayal that many were shooting him from the table of the lions, as many had expected their 'hero' to be sorted into the house of the brave.

At the teachers' table, a greasy-haired man was frowning, he hated second-guessing himself, but the fact that Harry wasn't acting anything like he expected was getting him, along with the house he was placed in.

The fact that he had two... beings with him made Snape confused. The two looked like ghosts, acted something like ghosts, but were too solid and colorful. They also triggered almost every fight or flight response that he had acquired from the dark lord, but Harry was comfortable near them.

He decided to just wait and see.

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McGonagall had known Harry wasn't going to be in her house so she continued the sorting.

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Dumbledore scowled. Why _that_ house? Few of his supporters ever went there, and the redheaded boy definitely wouldn't. It wasn't a _bad_ house even though it produced the second most death eaters of any other house, but it wasn't the _ideal_ house.

Not for the first time, Dumbledore hated the fact that he couldn't force the hat to place students where they belong.

Because Potters belong in Gryffindor, and so do beacons of light.

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A redheaded boy lost a lot of interest after Harry was sorted, he had no reason to associate with a bookworm.

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End chapter.


	11. My love Jack 2

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Story: My love... Jack.

_**AUTHOR MESSAGE: STOP SUGGESTING FIC IDEAS, IT IS **_**REALLY**_** GETTING IRRITATING!**_ Thank you. I will be posting the same message on all future updates because I get bloody requests almost every time I update a chapter, often for crosses, I know absolutely _nothing_ about.

Guest AnimeGoji91, I'm looking at you especially, since you seem to be one of the major people doing it, almost every chapter I have been posting.

AN: I have absolutely no idea about the kind of house for Harry. Hufflepuff? He IS a hard worker but trusts precisely two people, and has no real desire to get to know more. Slytherin? With Jack the freaking Ripper there? It would be a bloodbath. Ravenclaw? Might work. Gryffindor? Again with JACK?

AN2: _**Important**_: my beta's computer is dead, and I need a temporary replacement, volunteers?

Chapter 2: Return.

During the time when the police were invading Pivot Drive, Dumbledore was pissed.

Dumbledore was pissed the Dursley's were in prison and/or juvenile hall, and the blood wards had collapsed. Most of his trackers attached to Harry had started singing the song that never ends, the health monitor had started singing about bodies hitting the floor, and the one monitoring the ward over Pivot Drive had started singing a song about prophecies never coming true. (EN)

Very disconcerting to him, especially the last one.

Now he had to find out where the Potter brat had ended up.

He stopped and realized he had been around Severus Snape too long. The man had been ranting that it was all Harry's fault that Lilly had died since the day she died.

Shaking his head he turned to the problem. He had no idea where the boy had ended up, and he couldn't just _ask_ because he had, when he had headed over to do so, that the muggle authorities were looking to arrest him, or at the least question him about Harry's placement at the Dursley's, as they had discovered a letter from him to Petunia.

People didn't understand that it was for the greater good.

Now he had to dismantle some of the tracking devices so he could both reduce the din in his office and to salvage the blood from inside it.

He needed the blood for a ritual to find the boy, it would take time since the blood was old, and taken against the will of the person it came from.

He would have to find someplace for Harry when he finds him, as the effort to get his aunt out would be too great, with too many obliviates needed and records to find.

So he needed to find someplace else to put him, a safe place.

The problem is that his biggest supporters were dirt poor, and he would need to supplement their income more than he already does, and he couldn't access the Potter accounts as he wasn't his magical guardian, and couldn't become it without unsealing the will, and then proving that the chosen guardians were unfit.

If he tried to do so, he would have uncomfortable questions asked about why he employs such people to be around children.

He did wonder why Sirius hadn't bugged him for Harry's location, the man probably was being irresponsible and partying his life away.

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In a dark dank prison, patrolled my happiness sucking monsters, a man sneezed.

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Shaking his head, and making a note to find the man after he finds Harry, he started his preparations.

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Three years later, and Dumbledore's ritual finally gets results, and he floos to the Leaky Cauldron then apparates to Pivot drive, the closest location to Harry's location that he knows of.

Which was Pivot Drive itself.

With a sigh, the man pulls out a shrunken broom from his pocket and making sure that nobody was watching, disillusions himself, and the brook before unshrinking it.

Using the device he made, he tracked Harry to... a hospital.

Frowning he landed in a secluded alley and removed the spells hiding him after shrinking and stowing his brooms.

He then walked into the building, and noted the stairs and winced. He really should have put on his psychedelic colored tie-dyed suit before coming here.

Shaking his head, he moved to the information desk.

"I'm here to visit Harry Potter," he said to the woman behind the counter.

The woman looked at the oddly dressed man, and shrugged, before leafing through a patent list. Finding the name, she looked up to the man, and replied, "My apologies, but there is no Harry Potter here."

"I know he is here, and I need to see him," Dumbledore replied annoyed.

The woman sighed and replied, "Could you describe him? His name might not be recorded."

The old man sighed and replied, "Ten years old, green eyes, probably messy black hair, lightning bolt scar on his forehead."

There was a light of recognition in the receptionist's eyes. "Ah, I know who you are talking about, little John Doe! The doctors will be pleased to have an actual _name_ for the boy. I was here when he arrived on life support. His former guardians refused to give it before they were tried and sent to rot in prison. I'm sorry but he's still in a coma, do you still want to visit him?"

"Coma?" Dumbledore asked, unfamiliar with the term.

"It basically means he's been unconscious for a long time. Do you still wish to visit?"

Dumbledore was worried, the savior of the wizarding world is damaged, and it happened under his personally chosen guardians. "Yes, yes I would."

"Very well, long term ward, Floor Three, room three oh seven.

Dumbledore nodded then frowned at the stairs. With a sigh he headed up, leaving the receptionist wondering why he didn't take the elevator.

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Twenty minutes later he was looking at the child he came here to see. The boy had tubed in his arm and other various places. He also had monitors measuring his brain activity (currently a flat line) and his heart (beating steadily) not that the old man knew what the devices were.

As he looked on what he was considering a great failure, a doctor came in.

"So, you're the one that identified our John Doe. My name is Dr. Smith, and a decision has been made. One we didn't want to make, but considering there has been no improvement in three years..."

Suddenly, the brain activity monitor went crazy as it started reading a massive spike in brain activity. It then settled down to be consistent with a person awakening from a coma.

Then blood started to seep into the white sheet covering the boy's arms, and the doctor lifted the sheet and saw a pair of marks appear, one on each of the backs of the boy's hands.

Dumbledore was about to obliviate the doctor of the obviously mystical event when the boy's eyes snapped open.

Then two magical circles appeared on each side of the boy, and then in an explosion of magical energy that sent both men into a wall, and blew out the window, two figures appeared.

One was a young teenaged girl, scarred, messy white hair, and scandalous clothing under a raggedy black cloak.

The other was only nineteen or twenty and was familiar to Dumbledore.

The first wasted no time in climbing in bed with the boy and cuddling him.

The second was looking Right. At. Dumbledore and She. Was. Pissed.

"Dumbledore, I gave my life _and_ afterlife to protect my son, and you spat on that, apparently used mine and James's wills as toilet paper, and left him with fucking _petunia?!_ Give me one reason why I shouldn't eliminate you now!"

Dumbledore was sweating bullets. This wasn't the kind student and assistant potions professor, this was Lilly Evens-Potter, the woman who killed five death eaters in a single battle, and took the philosophy that the only good enemy is an enemy that is scattered across the floor in no less than a dozen chunks philosophy.

The only fighter on his side that had a flee on sight order from the dark lord himself.

So no, he didn't doubt for a second that the woman was serious.

The fact that she was now radiating enough power to flatten half of London, which unknown to him, was because of her status as a counter guardian, didn't help either.

"Lilly, how, what type of dark magic..." Dumbledore blabbered out.

"No dark magic, My afterlife boss, and some powers that be brought me back in this form as one half of the bribe to Harry so that _he_ would come back. Now answer my question."

"I have nothing to say to a dark magical construct, Incarserous." then ropes flew at Lilly, enhanced by the Elder Wand.

"Finite," came the response, and caused the ropes to evaporate.

Dumbledore blinked and was blasted backward as her second spell shattered his shield like glass, and he hit the wall hard enough to break ribs.

His wand flew away from him and landed on Harry.

"Mom," a hoarse voice stated. As she turned to him Harry continued, "Remember, Fate said you couldn't kill him unless he proves to be a threat to me." He then coughed a few times with a dry mouth, Can I get some water?" then his stomach growled, and he blushed, "and some food?"

The doctor stood up, and replied, "Yes, I'll get you some, and then I need to do an examination."

The boy simply lay there, tired as he had just awoken from a three-year coma, and didn't have the stamina yet to do more, this was in addition to his malnourished state and injuries that happened before the final beating.

He was also fascinated by the stick that had hit him and was emitting sparks to the delight of the young assassin class servant.

Jack, on the other hand, got out of the bed, in case she was needed to help with the old man.

Dumbledore looked at the location that his wand, the Elder Wand, had landed. Harry was messing with it and causing sparks to appear.

He had lost control of the Deathstick, to a child, and because of a necromantic abomination.

"What are you?" Dumbledore demanded in spite of the fact that he was in a far inferior bargaining position.

"A Caster class servant, you know my name, so there's no harm in introducing myself fully. I am Heroic spirit Counter guardian EVENS, and you know, you haven't yet given me a reason to not treat you as an enemy, I shouldn't kill you, but I can remove your limbs without killing you," she stated calmly without a hint of mercy.

"It was to protect Harry, I used your sacrifice to empower blood-based wards, and he needed to live with those of your own blood to empower them. Please believe me, it was to protect Harry," the old man explained, knowing that Lilly _would_ kill him if she thought it was necessary.

Lilly looked at him for a second then stated, "You are a moron, as only an absolute _idiot_ uses blood-based ward for long term protection, due to how easily they can be corrupted by negative emotions, but I acknowledge what you tried to do." the then lowered her wand and caused it to vanish.

"What Spell was used to bring you back?" Dumbledore asked politely. Internally he was frowning at the information on blood wards. He doubted what she said, but on the other hand, he really didn't research them due to time constraints.

"No spell really, the powers the be, Fate, Death, Magic, and my boss Alaya, used the summon servant ritual, as it was the easiest manner to partially incarnate us. It creates a copy of a soul that resides in a certain afterlife and places them into a body formed of almost solid magic. No sacrifices, no pacts godly or demonic, just magical power," Lilly explained.

Dumbledore again doubted her, but she was standing there, protectively over her son, and there was no evidence that necromantic rituals had taken place, so he had to at least partially accept her words.

"And her," he asked in a much calmer state of mind.

"The other part of the bribe, Harry's soul entered her part of the afterlife, and they almost immediately bonded, she's an assassin class servant. No, I will not tell you about her identity."

Dumbledore frowned as many plans of his went down the tubes, but he decided to depart, and get healed, so he apparated back to Hogsmead, so he could get his original wand, and healed.

He hoped that he could convince Lilly that Harry belonged in Hogwarts, but at present, he was going to have trouble doing so.

He also wanted to research blood wards to disprove what Lilly told him about them.

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Three hours later the word "FUCK!" rattled the windows of Hogwarts.

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End chapter.

EN: last two are the song "Let the bodies hit the floor" and the songs from the PS2 game "Bard's Tale".


	12. Story 6: Archer: Mk 2

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

AN: This is an alternate start to the Archer idea.

AN2: _**Important**_: my beta's computer is dead, and I need a temporary replacement, volunteers?

Story 6: Archer: Mk 2

Chapter one: Shattering Fate

An eight-year-old child was running on his birthday like his life depended on it.

That was because it did. A large group of civilians was chasing him. A large group of drunk civilians.

A large group of civilians with improvised, but still potentially deadly weapons.

It was then that a shuriken came out of nowhere hit him in the thigh. A shuriken, thrown by a ninja with a dog mask and gray stand up hair, one who had been assigned to protect the child from the yearly mob.

A point, vaguely in the man's favor, was that he just thought the kid would get roughed up a bit, as that had happened the last four years that he helped the mobs, and the kid healed fast.

Unknown to the ANBU, he was being watched, by another ANBU. He was being watched because the man hadn't pulled the wool over the Hokage's eyes as well as he thought he did. The Hokage found it suspicious that one of his top shinobi had failed over six times to protect a child, all the man had been asked to do is get the boy away from any mobs that went after him, and if necessary bring him to ANBU HQ.

The second ANBU's eyes narrowed when she saw him throw the shuriken, and she immediately knocked him out, so he couldn't block her, then moved to save the boy.

She arrived in time to see a nail lined fence post smash into the eight-year old's chest, partially caving it in, and a second smash into the boy's head.

She then plowed through them and snagged the mortally wounded child, who in addition to the aforementioned wounds, had cuts all over his face and hands from broken glass bottles, a nasty gash on his neck, and a shuriken in his leg.

She then brought him the ANBU hospital, as she didn't trust the civilian hospital to treat him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Alaya manifested invisibly in the young boy's room. She was pissed. The boy was her agent for the counterforce, and sending the counter guardians in wen the future events needed him was _not_ an acceptable option.

Simply because the casualty count would be a near-extinction event.

That was unacceptable. So she placed 'her' hand on the boy's head and temporarily took out his soul.

"Well Naruto, we are in a bit of a pickle, aren't we? I can help you live you know," she said in a kind tone of voice and a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"What's the point? Nobody will miss me if I'm gone, and I'm sick of the lies. The old man lies when I have questions, questions I deserve to know the answers to, he lies about caring for me as he never protects me. Nobody gives a rats ass about me," the boy snarled back, showing that he was much more intelligent than people think he was.

"That's not..." the being started. She needed Naruto to cooperate with her and become a ninja so the counterforce could point him at those that needed to be killed.

Then the words percolated, and she smiled.

"Are you willing to make a deal?" the being asked.

"What could you possibly offer me to go back to that hellhole?" Naruto asked with a sneer.

"Abilities that not even the Uchia can copy, companionship that as long as you treat them well will be loyal to _you_ and not anybody else, and a powerful healing factor. Oh, and the answers to your two primary questions."

"And in return?" came the question, as he ignored the old man coming to check on him, as he considered it part of the 'act'.

"You try your best to be a ninja, for this village."

"If the old man or the council prevent my friends from arriving? Or if I try my best and fail?

The being simply replied, "You will be free to leave I'll help." since she knew that she could guide events to help him pass.

"And what I receive in that case?"

"Yours."

"What are these companions?"

"Servants. Legends of another world, and bound to you. I will put how to summon them, and the details into your head if you agree."

"No ninja please," Naruto said in a thoughtful voice.

"We will see. If they are summoned it will be both compatible with _you_ personally and not part of the elemental nations," she said with a smirk.

"Deal," Naruto said tiredly.

Alaya simply grabbed him then shoved him back in his body so that she could get to work.

The boy's destiny had been shattered, but there was a chance to reforge it to something acceptable.

First, she converted his ridiculous, for his age, chakra capacity, and potential to Magic circuits. Eighty-two A ranked ones to be exact. That supply of Prana alone would have put him in the upper echelons of the Clock Tower, and many top-ranked families want him to marry their heirs.

Then she screwed up and carried on. The two soul fragments implanted into the seal matrix became another thirty A ranked circuits for one, and twenty B ranked circuits. This would have made many Magus families kill each other to get him for breeding purposes.

Then she screwed up worse and continued on to the fox. Nine hundred. The fox was converted to _nine hundred_ EX ranked magic circuits. This would either get him a sealing designation or a flee on sight order, as it put his potential above all but a tiny number of beings.

Facepalming at her mistake, she decided to just roll with it.

Looking through her available counter guardians, she snagged PENDRAGON, swiped Avalon, and shoved it into the boy, after adjusting it for his use.

She then threw the young-looking woman back to whence she came.

Then she snagged EMIYA, copied Unlimited Blade Works, and shoved it into the boy. Not that the boy could activate it, since they were very different people, and so a different Aria would be needed.

Then she dumped Archer's techniques into the boy.

Chucking the man back, she finally implanted the knowledge about servants and noted that ten sets of command seals appeared on his arms. (EN) She then modified them to regenerate, in exchange for losing the absolute obedience part of them.

Then she added the information he wanted to know.

Before she vanished, she wondered if she made the boy to powerful.

Nah.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

The Hokage was pissed. The boy he thought as a grandson was mortally wounded and the man who he assigned to help him had helped.

The man would soon be imprisoned.

Looking at the boy who was dying despite the best efforts of the medics, he sighed. He hated lying to the boy about why he was hated, and who his parents were, but the boy wasn't ready to know. He would tell the boy about the fox when he participates in his first chunin exams and his parents when he either hits seventeen or chunin.

Just then a force came from the bandaged boy, blowing all the bandages off. Looking at the boy, fearing the worst possible outcome, that the fox was freed by the boy's death, as opposed to the second worse which was the boy dying and taking the fox with him, he was shocked to see what looked like threads of light sawing the wounds closed, then sealing them as if they had never existed. Then he felt the energy involved.

He first thought it was the fox acting to save its a container, but then he realized, the 'taste' of the energy was the polar opposite of the Kyuubi.

Within seconds the boy was fully healed from the mortal wounds, and awake.

The boy sat up and placed his hand t his head while muttering just loud enough for the Third to hear, "Ow, she could've been gentler."

"Naruto?" the Hokage asked warily.

"If it isn't the lying bastard, why are you here?" Naruto spat hatefully. The boy was sick and tired of being lied to, and what he perceived as false kindness.

The old man flinched, but rallied, "Naruto, I have never..." he then saw the look in the boy's eyes, and sighed. He knew the jig was up, and explained, "Naruto, I didn't _want_ to lie to you, but you weren't ready for the truth. I would have told you the first when you graduated from the academy, and the other when you hit chunin or seventeen, whichever came first."

"And of course _telling_ me that, instead of lying to me never crossed your damn mind?" the blonde snarled.

The old man flinched slightly.

"Of course the false kindness you kept giving me made things worse. I figured out it was a lie after the third mob beat me into the hospital."

"Naruto, I had assigned a Jonin to protect you, and I just found out that he was helping them. He will be punished... severely."

"And the fact that it was a lot of the _same_ damn people each mob? The only reason I'm alive is some higher power struck a deal with me."

"A deal?" the old man asked warily. He didn't like that a higher power had to promise the boy something to not die.

"The part that might interest you is that I have to try my best to become a ninja, but that might be hard since I can't use chakra. (EN2) In exchange, I'll get some uncopyable skills, the ability to summon some _loyal_ and _trustworthy _friends, and self-healing ability, oh and just so you are forewarned, I get to keep what was given to me and leave, if I can't pass, or if you prevent me summoning."

the Hokage massaged his head. At least the boy will try his best to graduate, but the problem was that he has no way to ensure the loyalty of those he summons, and the council will throw a fit.

Especially Danzo, oh god, the _whining_ he will do when he finds out that Naruto couldn't use chakra anymore since that meant the fox was useless.

With a sigh, he made a decision and decided to try and mend some bridges.

"You may do these summons, but the first couple of times I demand to be present, so that I may observe. How many will you be summoning?

Naruto looked at his arms and counted the spots, and replied, "Up to ten."

the old man sighed, he would have to open up the boy's inheritance then. He would have to go through and remove their personal possessions until Naruto's old or experienced enough, but it would both solve the space issue and the protection issue. "I'll have another place for you to live, not only because of your guests but because the apartment building was firebombed last night. It will be ready before sunset. I'll send someone to get you when it's ready."

"Fine, can I leave now?" the boy asked irritably.

"Just as soon as the medic clears you."

A quick examination and the boy was out the door.

And soon enough, Naruto was entering the compound that would be his new home. Before he shuts the gate, he tells the old man, "Next time a mob attacks me, they die." He then slams the gate shut and walks away from the sunned old man.

The old man sighed, he doubted whatever skills the boy had been granted would be able to take out such large numbers, but he hoped that the boy could at least hold out until he was rescued.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

A week later, he was present for Naruto's summoning.

"_Iron and silver to the archduke,_

_Gemstone and mistress of contract to the cornerstone,_

_I am the start of my line,_

_fivefold gate that leads from the Origin, _

_the three winds alight,_

_I command you,_

_shut fill, shut fill, shut fill, shut fill, shut fill,_

_repeat five times, then simply shatter once filled._

_Oh, warriors clad in the seven garbs of heaven, _

_here is my oath,_

_I am he who shall become all the good in the world of the dead,_

_I am he who shall become all the evil in the world of the dead,_

_if thou agree to mine will and reason,_

_come forth oh guardian of balance!_

Then an explosion of dust happened, and two different voices sounded out.

"Servant Saber, has arrived at your call," said a speaker in all-encompassing red-accented white horned armor.

"Servant Lancer, I have answered your call," said a man with pale white skin, gold armor, and a very large twin edged spear.

_Fuck, _ thought the Hokage.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

EN: I don't count Alter Ego, and Moon Cancer as real classes, as from what I see they were more of a computer glitch

EN2: Naruto made a promise to try his best, which includes mentioning a problem.

Servant Time! Not all in pairing! Not all decided!

Saber: Mordred

Lancer: Karna

Avenger: Jeanne D' Ark.

Ruler: Jeanne D' Ark.

Caster: Nitocris

Archer: Chiron

Berserker: Tamamo Cat

Rider: Astolfo (female)

Foreigner: Abigail Williams (not too much choice here)

Assassin: Danzo or Mochizuki Chiyome


	13. Story 7 Boy and Gap

Kithrin's Cerebral Flatulence

Summary: Harry was born, not to the Potters, but to a powerful Yokai who had left the boy with some friends in what she thought would be a safe location. She was wrong, and after tracking her son down, she reclaimed him and claimed the daughter of her human friends. Will he enter magical Briton? If so, how will they handle his inherited powers?

This is their story. Half-yokai Harry/Female Potter heir.

Story 7: Boy and Gap.

A blonde woman was looking through the wreckage of a house in Godric's Hollow. She was looking for her son, that she had left with some humans that she had befriended. There had been an incident, a major one, that required all hands on deck, human _and_ yokai.

By pure coincidence, their children had been born on the same day.

Her son was the result of a one night drunken stand, as she was fortifying herself with some liquid courage before approaching the one who is now her mate/partner/frequent trolling target, who is, unfortunately, unable to sire a child with her, fortunately her love was thrilled to be a second parent to the child, as it would be... difficult... to say the least, to have a child between them, at least without Erin's help, or a lot of really subtle border manipulations.

The incident was of the scale that the entirety of Gensokyo had been threatened with destruction.

She had known about the war but thought that the fedelis charm her friends had been living under would protect her son, and give him someone to care for him for the week they needed to end the incident.

Instead, her instincts had told her her son was in danger, and so she rushed to her friend's home, only to find it a smoldering wreck, and both her son and their daughter missing.

She was now officially pissed, and she started using her powers to find her son, as well as calling on her Shikigami to help find them.

After all, she was also the godmother of the Potter heir.

She would find the two, and whoever was keeping her from them, and whoever killed her two human friends, would wish they hadn't. She just hoped it wasn't the annoyance that tried to recruit her three times, that would just be irritating.

Before she left the house she shed tears, and not for the last time she wished her friends had taken her offer to move in with her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

It took four days, and a phone book before the two yokai found the children, and after using a gap to peek in on them, the woman was nearly apocalyptic in fury.

The two children were dirty, needed a good change, and obviously barely being fed.

She had sent her Shikigami back to er home to prepare a room for the children.

There were also some suspicious bruises. A few gaps and she had a set of custody papers, both Magical and Mundane. The Gap Yokai had a legal identity set up on Earth, because for some odd reason money from the outside ends up in Gensokyo, and they buy things from the outside to return it into outside circulation, get rid of it, and to get things their little sub-dimension doesn't produce.

Her son didn't need a set of papers because he was born in the land of illusions.

Walking up to the door of number four Pivot drive, ignoring the rather weak wards, and knocked.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Petunia scowled as she heard someone knock. She had been having a bad week, and it was solely due to the two brats that were dropped on her lap without so much as a 'by your leave'.

Walking to the door, she saw a woman that was dressed oddly, but beyond the pink mob hat, not oddly enough to get more than a few odd looks. The pink and purple dress she wore, along with the aforementioned cap, and pink parasol, and her attractive looks made her look like an eccentric noblewoman.

"Can I help you?" Petunia said neutrally.

"Due to the deaths of some friends of mine, my son and goddaughter ended up in your care. I have the paperwork here to transfer them into my custody," Yukari stated blandly.

Petunia was getting the very odd feeling that the woman in front of her wasn't normal.

Fortunately, she was more than willing to hand over the children.

A quick set of signatures on the documents, without letting the woman into the house, and Petunia brought out the sleeping and smelly children.

Petunia handed them over, then ran back in the house.

A few minutes later what belongings that the two, and were included with the children.

They were unceremoniously dropped at the blonde's feet, and the door was slammed in her face.

Yukari's eyes narrowed, and noting that the other woman was currently the only one in the house, as her husband had brought Dudley to the doctor, she made a gape inside the house, bringing something from another location to the house.

She then gapped the paperwork to the correct locations and headed home with the two children, and she noted something exceedingly odd between the children. She would have to check with Erin, as she wanted a second opinion, perhaps even her vampire friend.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

In the middle east, some terrorists were confused, the bomb they set had failed to go off. When the checked the location, they found it missing.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Meanwhile, in Great Briton, a house exploded for no apparent reason, as the only stranger that had been in the area had never entered the house, and was in full view the entire time. The police investigators were flummoxed by the bomb remains, and how it got into, what was according to the building plans, the cupboard under the stairs, since by the remains of the bomb, it would have been too big to fit through the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

"Ran!" Yukari called as soon as she arrived home.

"Yes mistress?" the woman in question said as she came up to her master, and then recoiled from the stench of the two children.

Sweeping in before Yukari could say a word, she snagged the sleepy children and promptly went to bath them, leaving the Gap Yokai standing there.

With a sigh, she went to help her servant wash the children, as she had intended to be involved in the first place.

After all, he's her son.

When she got entered the bathroom though a gap, she found Ran in a murderous mood.

There were hand-shaped bruises clearly visible on both children.

Children that were now awake, and crying due to the bloodlust.

"Ran, stop, you're scaring the children. I already... handled, the woman in question."

The fox-woman calmed down and nodded, and as she did, the children calmed down as well.

"Let's get the two clean, then bring in Erin," Yukari suggested calmly, as she didn't like giving actual orders to her Shikigami, as doing so too often can have a detrimental effect on their personalities. Something Yukari wanted to avoid, both because Ran was her friend as well as her servant, and she was much more useful as-is.

After the children were clean, fed, and put to sleep, Yukari called in Gensokyo's best doctor to examine the children.

What she found made the woman frown.

"The good news is that they are physically healthy, beyond some minor dehydration and diaper rash," Erin said rather calmly.

"And the bad news?" Yukari asked.

"There's a small soul fragment stuck in your son, something we can deal with Komachi's help. The biggest problem is the girl. Her soul has been almost shattered, and it is only due to your son partially binding her as a Shikigami that she's alive."

"He turned her into his Shikigami? At their ages?!" Yukari shrieked, waking the children up. She wasn't happy that her son had done so with her godchild.

After they got the children calmed down Erin explained, "No, not... entirely. She's about... ten percent there. That ten percent is holding her soul together like glue. It seems like your son tried to bind her to save her life. Removing the bond would be a _very bad idea_ for the girl."

Yukari calmed down, at the explanation, as it wasn't as bad as she had feared, then asked, "What does that mean for them?"

Erin rubbed her head, and responded, "I'm not sure. I have never encountered a partial binding like this. It _should_ mean that he cant order her to do anything he wants at a whim, and have her instantly obey, but she'll probably be more submissive to his orders than she otherwise would be, and they definitely would feel more comfortable in each other's presence. I have no idea whether it will complete itself as they grow up."

Yukari rubbed her head while manipulating her borders to remove her growing headache, then nodded, and replied, "Thank you, would you mind dropping in once a week for the next few weeks to check up on them? We can discuss future check-ups later."

The doctor nodded and packed up. Before she left she said, "I will contact Komachi before next week."

"Thank you," Yukari said with a calm she truly didn't feel.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Meanwhile, in Great Briton, an old man was panicking, the two children were missing. He didn't know why the Potters had his that they had two children, but the fact that they both survived the attack meant he couldn't take the chance that he would fail to gain control over the child of prophecy. So he spread around the descriptions of both the children, or at least what he thought he remembered what they looked like including the lightning bolt scar on the boy's forehead, and the starburst scar on the girl's.

He wondered how in the hell _every single_ tracker that he had set up had malfunctioned at _the exact same time_.

He really didn't want to wait for the Hogwarts letters to find them, the damage to his plans would be catastrophic.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Komachi was lazy, but she wasn't heartless, and seeing the two children, and their condition, she sighed and got to work. She didn't even try touching the bond, the girl's soul was like glass held together with substandard glue, it worked, but disturbing it would cause it to shatter.

Perhaps in a decade or so it might be stable enough to gently unbind the children, but she wouldn't bet on it.

The soul fragment in the boy on the other hand...

Scowling the reaper yanked it out. That _thing_ was an insult to her job, and her sensibilities.

While it is true that she tries to avoid work, she does have enough pride that when she works, she does it _right_.

"Tell me if you find any more of these damn things, as well as whoever has been losing these fragments, I want him _dead_," the normally slothful reaper spat.

Yukari blinked, she had never seen the reaper so pissed... or so motivated.

Said reaper stomped out muttering obscenities at whoever would intentionally shatter their souls for some sort of vague promise of immortality, one that never actually pans out, everybody does, even gods, it's just a matter of time.

Yukari looked at her son with a gentle smile... just as the door slammed open revealing a young woman in white and red shrine maiden garb.

Correction, very pissed young woman in red and white shrine maiden garb, one who's entrance didn't for some reason didn't wake the children.

"**Yukari, how dare you conceal the fact that you found our son!"** the woman yelled loudly.

And there it was, the straw that woke the children up screaming at the yelling.

Yukari wanted to cry, she was going to tell her mate about Young Harry, but she wanted to make sure nothing was wrong first... now there were two upset children.

"Reimu," the gap yokai started with a sigh, then she finished, "Let's get the children settled again, and I'll explain when and how I found them, and why I waited."

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An hour later saw the two in a room sipping sake, while the shrine maiden ran over everything in her head.

"Okay, let be get this strait, you went to retrieve him, and found out that the ones you left him with were betrayed and killed, then you had to find him. Then when you found him in deplorable conditions, you retrieved him and the girl who's the daughter of your friends. Then after bringing Eirin in, good choice, by the way, you found out she was made into a partial Shikigami by our son, either cause that's all that was needed, or that's all the power he had, which saved her life. And you brought the lazy reaper in to get rid of a soul fragment in Harry. Did I miss anything?" Reimu finished her summary with a question while rubbing her forehead.

"Nope," Yukari calmly stated.

"Screw it, I have a headache," Reimu said tiredly, then headed to their bedroom. She wasn't all that angry after her rational mind kicked in, as she had been dealing with the fallout of their last incident until now. She then looked over her shoulder at her wife, and asked, "coming?"

The blonde smirked and opened a pair of gaps that dropped her and her mate into their bed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

End chapter.


	14. Story 7 Boy and Gap 2

Gap and Fox

AN: I HATE how artists can't agree on ONE BLOODY DESCRIPTION for characters, case in point I've seen Yukari pictures with violet eyes, and with gold, and both are illustrations for games.

Chapter 2: No Hogwarts for the children.

It had been nearly ten years since Harry's mother had taken him and her goddaughter to Gensokyo, and it was now July thirty-first, and Reimu and Yukari were taking them, their 'big sister' Chen, and their best friend Cirno to an English beach, as they have a trip every year to someplace on Earth so that they would know of the world outside, well if Gensokyo was relatively stable that is.

This year was an English beach because Yukari felt that there was both potential for mischief and that they needed to be there for a few days to prevent future problems.

She was right on both counts.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

In Hogwarts, a dozing old man was woken by the rapid scratching of a quill. Shaking his head blearily he focused on the quill when he realized what he was seeing, which made him wide awake.

As soon as the first letter was finished he snatched it up, and read it.

Harry Yakumo

Suite 302 Room B

Headland Hotel

England

Then the second letter, which had him confused.

Rose YPaoktutmeor (EN)

Suite 302 room B

Headland Hotel

England

The last name for the girl was gibberish, and he had no idea why, but he now had a location. He would save the two children from their kidnapper(s). He had no idea why neither had the name Potter, but he would correct it.

"Fawkes! Please take me to where these letters go," he nearly begged. He was thankful that the 'Potter twins' had reappeared. He did _not_ want to tell the wizarding world that he had _**LOST**_ their saviors.

That would not be good for his reputation, or the moral of the light.

The self roasting chicken trilled then grabbed the old man and vanished in a burst of flame.

He reappeared outside of a door labeled 302. Taking a deep breath he knocked.

He waited five minutes before a woman, somewhere in her mid to late twenties answered the door. She was attractive, with long black hair, and was wearing a shrine maiden outfit.

"Yes? And who are you?" she asked.

"My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I would like to speak to you about two children under your care." came his calm answer.

The woman's eyes narrowed and then closed the door. The old man was about to use magic to open it when it opened again, and the woman waved him inside. "You may enter but do _not_ try anything," she warned.

He nodded then entered and was led to the common room of the suite, and he saw the two children, a blonde-haired boy with violate eyes, and wearing a male version of what the blonde-haired woman across from him was wearing, and a black-haired green-eyed girl in a conservative maid outfit. The girl and the boy were chatting adamantly about their plans for the day when they stopped when the man came in.

"Ah, Mr. Dumbledore I've been expecting you, please take a seat," the blonde woman said while motioning towards an unoccupied seat. After the man had been seated, she said with a smirk that Albus didn't like, as it screamed that she already knew what she wanted, and she wasn't going to give it to him, "Now explain what you are here for."

"I came for the children you kidnapped, and to bring them to my school," he stated bluntly.

"Kidnapped?" Yukari asked with an arched brow. "I wasn't aware that reclaiming _my son_ and _my _magically bound_ goddaughter_ was considered kidnapping after all that wretched woman was all too glad to sign away all rights to me at the drop of a hat, even if she had no right to my son."

Dumbledore paused and paled at her statement. He would have to have a legal reason to prevent her from having the Potter children, or if she was right about one being her son, child if she was a magically bound godmother.

"May I check for the bond?" he asked with more confidence than he actually had at this point.

"Of course," the only full yokai in the room replied.

He actually cast two spells, one that checked for parentage, which could only be cast if the two individuals in question are close enough, and the spell to check for the bond.

Both spells showed that the woman was telling the truth.

That complicated things, he would need clear evidence of abuse to get either away from her, so he decided to ask a different question to buy time, "Why is Rose dressed as a maid?"

"Because it's cute," came Rose's response.

Ah well, if it was her choice he couldn't actually argue about it.

Just then the temperature in the room dropped as a girl about the same age as the two came in. she had blue hair and wings that looked like they were made of icicles.

She was followed by... a catgirl? What the...?

"Well, I see that it wasn't a kidnapping, but I still need them to come to my school, Hogwarts."

"Why?" Yukari asked, catching the old man off guard. "I, Reimu, and some of our friends are more than capable to teach them magic, and My Shikigami Ran is more than capable of teaching the mundane subjects, so why would they need to attend your school?"

The old man winced. How it sounded was that there would be those clamoring for an apprenticeship with both children if it came down to trying to force it officially. He needed an argument that would convince both women, as how the black-haired woman had started snuggling with the golden-haired woman as soon as he had sat down showed she was close to the mother of one of the children and godmother to the other, to allow the two children that are considered to be heroes to attend.

One thing he knew is that he would never admit to being the one to put Harry and Rose with the Dursleys. He just knew that it would end badly.

"Let me guess, something about a prophecy?" the blonde stated calmly.

The only word that went through Dumbledore's mind was 'fuck.'

"How do you..." he started.

"Know? I heard it from the record. The protections were easy to bypass for one with my talents. The thing was useless, so I disposed of if it and left a fake in its place," Yukari interrupted smugly.

"So you see why..." Dumbledore started again.

"No, no we don't," Reimu interrupted. "Prophesies are for the weak, and can be broken with a bit of effort, especially self-fulfilling prophesies like that one."

"Agreed, so unless you can think of a _good_ reason for our children to go to Hogwarts, the answer is no."

Dumbledore started to describe his school, and what would be expected for the children in an attempt to convince the parents to allow their children to attend.

The two children in question both agreed and really didn't want to leave their best friend and their family for however long the schooling took. They had noticed something odd with Cirno though, as they had caught up to her in age... she had started to grow older as well.

Unknown to them, as it really hadn't come up in their education yet, some types of yokai, such as fairies, or other 'eternal' yokai, can start to age if their mental maturity started to outstrip their physical bodies... or if they want to.

Cirno had realized, shortly after the two had hit their physical age, that they might grow apart. It had happened to her before. She had befriended children, and they had drifted apart as they aged, and she didn't.

There was something about the two that made her refuse to allow that to happen. So she worked on allowing her to physically age. She knew that the chances of hitting a full adult was slim, but she could probably hit a minimum of a physical age of sixteen, perhaps as old as eighteen.

She hoped that would be enough.

She also didn't want her friends to go, they would apparently, from what she was hearing, be gone for nine months out of the year. Something she really didn't want to happen.

So to distract the two friends she dragged them to get ready for their beach trip, and Chen as well.

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Ten minutes after Dumbledore started, Yukari was fed up. She normally had loads of patience, but having an inferior manipulator attempt to force his will upon her, annoyed her greatly

"Enough," she stated, interrupting his most recent attempt to convince her, something about safety she thought, which was ironic considering that her home was the safest place possible, as it wasn't accessible without her permission. "Rose and Harry will _not_ be attending Hogwarts. My home is literally inaccessible without my express permission. We have a large number of magic users in our land, many of them geniuses, and I am personally rich and can buy any books we need. So tell me, why should we send our children to a school that they don't need, and would most likely be unhappy in, with everyone treating them like they were some sort of messiah?"

Dumbledore grit his teeth, he had nothing to say. "Very well, contact me if you change your mind, although be aware, if you choose to come in a later year, the children will be starting as first years irrespective of their ages."

"That's fine," Yukari responded, as she had no intention of sending her son to Hogwarts, and she could easily break any attempts to force him, or Rose, with a contract.

"Before I go, may I try and convince the children myself?"

Reimu thought for a second, then answered before her wife could, "Leave your wands here, then empty your pockets, then yes."

Yukari looked at her wife in surprise but privately conceded that it was the best choice.

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Dumbledore, after emptying his pockets, walked to where the children were playing a board game and observed them. One of which, by the ice wings was obviously not human, as well as the one with the cat ears, while the only thing Yukari's son had unusual was his violet eyes. His scar had completely vanished which made him scowl, the scar had been as much a part of his image as his green eyes, everybody, thanks to him, though he had, and the hair wasn't black as he had thought that night, although now that he thought of it the children had been covered in soot that he hadn't bothered to clean off, so his messy blonde hair might be his real coloration.

The Potter heir son the other hand looked almost like he was expecting, with mid-back length rich copper hair, green eyes... and a missing scar.

'Fuck,' he thought, 'why would they remove the scars? And how?'

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he pasted a grandfatherly smile on his face and approached the children.

"Hello children, I would like to talk to Rose and Harry."

"So talk," the catgirl responded as she checked her notepad. "I suspect Mr. Green with the wrench in the library!"

"Nope, see this card?" Rose responded to Chen while holding up the wrench card. "And if this is about Hogwarts, I am _not_ interested. I _loathe_ being the center of attention for strangers, and by what you were saying to Yukari, I would be the focus of the entire bloody British wizarding world. So no thank you. I also don't want to leave my friends and family for nine or ten months. Hmmm... ah, I got it, I accuse Mr. Custard, in the kitchen with the pipe!"

Dumbledore opened his mouth to argue with her, while internally wincing at what she had said. The fact that she would hate the inevitable attention made convincing her difficult when he was interrupted by Harry.

"Nope," Harry smirked as he flashed the Mr. Custard card... then frowned at his notepad. He then rolled and while he was moving his character responded, "I have no reason to go, especially without my friends, and I wouldn't put Rose in the position that she would be seen as some sort of savior, and unlike Rose, my family has no historical bonds to England. I accuse Mr. Green, in the pipe, with the revolver."

Everyone but Dumbledore, who had never played clue before, stared at Harry, and then checked their cards.

When everyone came up blank, Cirno checked the solution and tossed the cards down when she said he was right.

Dumbledore spoke up as the game was reset, "but what about the Potter history? Every Potter since Hogwarts had been constructed had attended there."

"So?" Rose answered. "It doesn't mean _I_ have to. You have your answer."

Dumbledore gave the children a disappointed look, then went to retrieve his stuff. He was not looking forward to explaining why the children weren't going to Hogwarts, and he had no legal recourse unless he could find Sirius, and convince the Wizenmot why he was trying to take children away from their parent/lawfully appointed guardian, when she is healthy and happy, and used their prerogative to choose alternative education for the children.

Shaking his head, he left the suite empty-handed.

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In Hogwarts, the big book of students had two names written on it, those names flashed red, before vanishing.

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End chapter

EN: Ypaoktutmeor a combo, alternating letters, of Yakumo and Potter, the magics got confused because of the bond between the two.


End file.
